


Till we meet again

by Sadisticsparkle (sadisticsparkle)



Series: My heart travels with you [1]
Category: Marvel Noir
Genre: Artist Steve Rogers, BAMF Tony Stark, Derring-Do, Flirting while punching Nazis, Identity Porn, Jealousy, Love Letters, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nonnies Made Me Do It, POV Steve Rogers, Pulp, Secret Identity, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, World War II, and
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 05:30:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14846709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadisticsparkle/pseuds/Sadisticsparkle
Summary: In the middle of World War II, Captain America and Iron Man meet for the first time.'Hello,' he said, approaching Tony but keeping his distance from the fire. 'I assume you're my new recruit?''Hey, I'm not your recruit. I'm a... consultant. And just because you're a Captain doesn't mean you outrank me.'Tony extended his hand to him and Steve shook it as mechanically as he was smiling.'What's your rank, then?''Well, I don't have one. So technically you don't outrank me.'(Or do they?)





	1. Like the sun after the rain

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of people read this before posting and here come the thanks!
> 
> First, [Lau](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurus_nobilis/.../laurus_nobilis) and [Fu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FujurPreux/pseuds/FujurPreux), who have been listening to me talk about this for a year. Literally.
> 
> Then a whole bunch of people from the Stony Discords: [BuckytheDucky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckytheDucky/pseuds/BuckytheDucky), [enkiduu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/enkiduu/pseuds/enkiduu), Verus, Hearse, [kittkat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittKat/profile%0A) and SilverinStars. You were all awesome :)

There was a kind of stillness in drawing, even as he moved the charcoal across the blank page with an almost furious concentration, recreating one of his dearest memories out of fluid lines and shadows. He barely had time to do it, though. War and stillness didn't get along well. He sighed - he was on his last piece of charcoal and there weren't really that many art supply shops around. An envelope lay open on the table, a letter half-finished on top of it, and every now and then he glanced at it.

When he heard the tent flap open, he quickly shoved the sketch and the letter under the map he was supposedly studying. He turned around and there stood Nick Fury. Had he told Steve he was coming? Had he forgotten? He pinched the bridge of his nose. Sometimes he was so scatterbrained, even with the serum.

'Scatterbrained'. That was one way to put it. He thought of the sketch again and his stomach did a turn. If Fury saw it... well, the kindest treatment he could expect was being called a naive fanboy. And that was only if he didn't notice the truth and Steve knew Fury was smarter than that. He was also bigger and older than Steve remembered. His presence took over the entire tent and made it - and Steve - feel smaller.

'Sir,' he said, after an uncomfortable silence. Fury nodded, grabbed a chair and sat down.

'I have news, about a new team member.'

Steve nodded, trying to keep the surprise out of his face and probably failing.

'I'll be honest about this latest... addition. He's a pain in the ass, but he knows his business and is as committed as any of the Invaders are.'

'That's reassuring, sir.'

'Rogers, do you think I can't tell you're sassing me?'

He was about to apologize, really. He was. 'No, sir. I know you can tell.'

'I know you think you're very clever, but that doesn't make your insubordination any better.'

Ah, still bitter about the whole business with the French castle, then. He shrugged. He had been right that time, and he was right now as well. The Invaders were a carefully tuned machine and adding new people for no good reason could wreck that. At least the fact that Fury considered the stranger a pain in the ass did reassure him, considering he knew perfectly well that was probably Steve's own codename in Fury's reports.

'So who's the new member, then? Did you take into consideration my request for some on the ground support for Toro and Torch?'

'No. I took into consideration my own opinions, Rogers.'

'They're probably very right opinions, sir. When is he coming?'

Fury opened the tent flap and nodded in the general direction of the camp. 'Now. He recently raided a HYDRA camp nearby, and he needs a place to... crash.'

Steve went through the tent flap, falling slightly behind Fury. 'I hope his original team doesn't mind us taking him.'

'He... doesn't really have a team.'

Alright, who were they sending him, then? It had to be somebody slightly insane if they were raiding HYDRA camps all on their own. Fury suddenly stopped and groaned.

'Well, there he is.'

He was looking up, so Steve did too and what he saw could only be described as a fireball, falling to the ground. Fury remained calm and so Steve imitated him. If it was a new HYDRA weapon, Fury would be giving orders instead of just grimacing. His eyes followed Fury's and he paid more attention to whatever it was. They heard a loud, distant thud and Fury pointed at the forest where it had fallen.

'That's your new teammate. You should go say _hi_.'

Steve ran through the forest. Despite Fury's composure, that hadn't been a calm, nice landing. He hoped his new teammate hadn't died on the first day on the job. He could already smell the burnt wood and he could hear small animals running away from the site and what sounded like a man groaning. He was alive, at least. The groans did seem awfully familiar, but it wasn't the first time he had imagined a familiar voice in strange surroundings.

He found himself breathing in the smoke - and not coughing, that was still weird - and then his heart stopped. He knew that face, that smile. He was thinner, leaner and muscle was more visible, but he was unmistakable.

Tony Stark. Tony Stark with his armor. It was smaller than he had imagined it and far less elegant. It wasn't sleek or light - in fact, it was a huge behemoth currently still burning. Tony was examining it, being too close to the fire in Steve's opinion.

'Aw, this'll take a while to fix.'

He hadn't been spotted, not yet. He took a step ahead, trembling. Tony's eyes widened and he broke into a huge, happy grin. Steve's trembling stopped.

'Captain America! In the flesh! You're taller than I expected.'

Right. Captain America. He was Captain America now and nobody could ever know he was also Steve Rogers, _Marvels_ fan and sickly Brooklyn kid. Specially not Tony Stark.

'Hello,' he said, approaching Tony but keeping his distance from the fire. 'I assume you're my new recruit?'

'Hey, I'm not your recruit. I'm a... consultant. And just because you're a Captain doesn't mean you outrank me.'

Tony extended his hand to him and Steve shook it as mechanically as he was smiling.

'What's your rank, then?'

'Well, I don't have one. So technically you don't outrank me.'

He snorted. 'I still give the orders around here.'

Tony put his palms up. 'Oh, I know that. I'm great at following orders. The best. I've never in my life done something unadvisable or risky. Not without proper authorization.'

'Don't worry. Everything we do here is risky.' He paused. 'And properly authorized, _technically_.'

'Could you then properly authorize some people to move the armor to camp? I don't want to leave it here. HYDRA could take it.'

Steve tilted his head, assessed the armor and nodded. 'I could do something like that, yes.'

He got closer to the armor and hauled it. It's not like he wanted to show off. It was just the most efficient way to get it done even if his gloves were slightly burning. He healed quickly, and it was worth it for Tony's expression of delight.

'Okay. Reports were not greatly exaggerated.'

'You could say.'

He started walking and Tony followed.

'Is the shield for real too?'

'Yes. You can get a look at it when we reach the camp.'

The armor was straining his back, but he didn't care. The sooner it got done, the sooner he'd get to talk to Tony. They needed to discuss their mission and whatever new intel Tony had.

He put the armor next to the crates full of mechanical thingies - he understood, now, why Fury had brought so many of them -. Fury himself was leaning against a table, crossing his arms.

'So you found him.'

'It took me a while. He's very good at camouflage.'

'Yes, I'm the best at stealth.'

'Right. I know it's very important for you two to be clever, but we need to talk to you. We have new intel on Zemo's whereabouts.'

'Aw, I was hoping to meet the rest of the team.'

'I know you like your autograph signing sessions, Stark, but we have work to do,' Fury said and started walking towards Steve's tent again. 

Steve followed him. He could introduce the team to Tony later, once they were back from their recon mission. Fury was right - they had work to do.

And Steve was ready for it.

 

He adjusted the cowl with a grimace. It was wet and cold, like the mud invading his boots. _Everything_ was wet and cold, like the relentless rain. Nobody had told him that war involved so much standing under the rain.

Tony, on the other hand, was warm, beautiful and sad. He felt the now familiar pang of guilt and adjusted the cowl again. Tony couldn't see his face, under no circumstances. It'd give it away.

Tony started talking. He could guess the half-smile, the sly look and the raindrops down his hair, but he hadn't heard what Tony was saying.

'I asked what's wrong, Cap. No coffee left again?'

He'd know about _that_. According to several of the Invaders, it was nearly impossible to keep Tony out of their own rations of coffee. Even Namor had been known to give in to his pleas. They said it was because he was too cunning, but Steve privately thought Tony was just very good at making puppy eyes.

'It's not that? Got a Dear Cap letter, then?'

His breath hitched, but he said nothing. Nobody wrote Cap letters, not the people that mattered.

'Oh, got it right? I know how it is. Every time I manage to get my mail, I dread mine will come. What's her name?'

He had to say something. He had to throw Tony off the scent. 'I... don't have a sweetheart _back home._ '

'Eh? Is it somebody you met here?'

 _I'm not lying_ , he wanted to say. _And nobody would send you a Dear John letter. Nobody will_.

Instead, he just shook his head.

'So... somebody you met there, but is here right now. Interesting.' Tony made a pause, licking his lips. Steve would have to stop noticing Tony's lips. 'Some pretty nurse? Or a dashing temptress working as a spy?'

'That sounds more like your type.'

Tony laughed. It wasn't a nice laugh. 'You would be surprised by my type, Captain.'

He had gone distant again, thinking about some golden sunny afternoon far from the rain. Steve shivered.

'Would I?'

There was a measuring look in Tony's eyes, the same look he got when they argued over tactical decisions - when he was assessing the risks and the potential rewards.

He shivered again, surely from the cold.

'Well, Captain, are you telling me it's some handsome soldier that has your eye? Don't let the brass know it.'

He blushed, bit his lip and then resolutely nodded. He could imagine Tony's eyes widening. It wasn't the kind of conversation you had with strangers, was it? But they hardly counted as that, even if it was left unsaid.

'I... wasn't expecting that. I'm honored you decided to tell me.'

'I trust you,' he blurted out.

It was the naked truth. He knew he sounded naïve, like a painfully young man and not Captain America. He figured that was the truth too. That's what Tony made him feel like.

He treasured the pause before Tony spoke, the fragile moment of trust and warmth.

'... I should trust you back, I suppose.' Tony frowned and then smirked, like it was time to get out the armor and blow up some Nazis. 'The person who writes me those letters?'

Steve's stomach sunk when he thought of the neatly stacked letters Tony kept. Love letters all the Invaders knew about and Bucky and Toro gossiped about, but that Tony never discussed.

'You don't have to tell me,' he babbled, but Tony was already smiling brightly, opening himself up to someone who didn't deserve it at all.

'Steve. His name is Steve.'

Tony's smile wavered after that. Maybe expecting a punch or a disgusted noise. Instead, Steve shrugged non-chalantly. It was like shrugging off a million needles carved into his flesh.

'So... is _your_ sweetheart a dashing soldier, then?'

Tony laughed, a fond, secret laugh Steve had missed so much. Then he saw him wince - maybe the bullet wound from that battle two weeks ago, he thought -. But he couldn't reach out.

'Well... he is a fighter alright. But no, he's not military. Thankfully.'

His hands curled into fists - didn't they always, stuck in that shape since his childhood scuffles? ' _Thankfully_? We need all the fighters we can have,' he said.

'There are other ways to fight. It's better if he stays back home.'

'I don't see _you_ choosing to stay at home.'

'It's not the same.'

'Really? How? You're risking your life. Why shouldn't he?'

Tony huffed. 'Because he's young and sick and deserves better than this war.'

Those were just sweet, empty words, like all Tony's promises before leaving. He knew the real reason - he was useless. He was _still_ useless, even if he was taller and stronger.

He still couldn't protect the ones he loved. Hell, he couldn't even _love them_.

'And you don't?'

'No, I don't. I'm just taking responsibility. This is my mess to clean.'

'Right. Tony Stark, adventurer, genius and what? King of the Earth?' He gestured to the mud and the tanks and the rain and the sky on fire. 'How is this whole... _thing_ your responsibility?

Tony's eyes hardened to steel. 'That's none of your business - it just is. And I will fix it.'

They remained in silence after that. And how sad it was, that Steve was happy they were able to have lovers' spats without being lovers?

 

 

When watch was over and he was lying on his tent, Steve heard the familiar sound of rustling paper from Tony's tent, pathetically hoping it was his letters he was reading.

He hadn't written one in a while - HYDRA had been incredibly active in the last few weeks, hitting Allies' positions and retreating without a trace. Maybe he had to - it'd be a better apology than any Cap could give. He would have to find a moment after dawn, because he was too tired and even with his new, enhanced vision, it was too dark to write. And using a lamp would be suspicious, especially at that time of the night. He thought he heard Tony writing, the unmistakable sound of a pen pressed against paper. Was that a letter to Steve? Was Tony feeling guilty too? Or was he working on schematics, maps, plans?

There wasn't space for love letters in their lives. There wasn't time to sketch Tony's fingers splayed against the armor or with his arms deep into the engines of some Jeep. There wasn't time to explain.

He fell into an uneasy sleep, haunted by the memories of glorious mornings and late night kisses, of cigarette ash on the nightstand, of bittersweet _goodbyes_ and even worse _hellos_.

He woke up at dawn. It was like he hadn't even slept, but he had always been good at working through exhaustion. They had already spent two days at that location, because intelligence said HYDRA was moving in to the area.

Of course, HYDRA was nowhere to be seen.

He eyed some stationary lying around in the tent and put it inside one of his pouches. He would have to find an excuse for how crumpled the letter would look.

He left his tent, wearing his full uniform. It wouldn't do, if the troops saw Captain America was human.

Tony was already awake, clutching a cup of coffee and going through Steve's rations. He knew it was on purpose - what purpose, though, remained unclear.

'Hey. That's not yours.'

Tony kept going, but he smiled. The smile meant Tony wasn't picking a fight. Good. He wasn't in the mood for sporting bickering.

'So?'

'It's too much calories for you. And it tastes even worse than yours.'

'I feel a little thin. I'm losing muscle mass. I think you've stolen it. That's how the serum works, right? That's the secret.'

He smiled, despite himself.

'You truly are a genius.'

'I can tell you're raising your eyebrows. Yes, even with the cowl.'

'Let me guess - X-ray vision?'

'No, I just know you.'

'No, you're just used to people laughing at you.'

'That too. But I've got you figured out, Cap.'

For a second, he was prey for both hope and dread. If Tony figured it out on his own, Fury couldn't tell him he had broken the need for secrecy.

Tony kept on talking, apparently not noticing. 'You can't tell what it's like. To be weak.'

Oh.

'I need to check the perimeter,' he blurted out.

Tony looked confused.

'Cap? That wasn't a smooth change of subject.'

But he was already walking away, feeling the stationery in his pouch weighted as much as the Iron Man.

'The perimeter' was a small grove Steve had discovered the first day, when they were setting up the camp. It offered a wide view of the surrounding valley and it offered him some very well-appreciated privacy. He walked below the trees. It was silent, except for the distant noises of the camp. Tony was working on the armor - the clanking and the swearing were unmistakable. He reached his favorite tree, jumped to the lowest branch and started climbing it.

It was exhilarating knowing that nobody could reach where he was. He sat, comfortably against the trunk, and took out the paper and a pencil. He idly thought of the camp and Tony working on the armor. He knew how he'd look - the bare forearms, the grease stains, the furrowed brow, Tony biting his bottom lip in frustration...

He groaned. That wasn't something he could think about. It led to the kind of distractions that lead to somebody falling off a tree and he wasn't talking out of experience, not at all.

He focused on the blank paper. It had to be something innocent enough for peering eyes, but Tony would have to figure out its true meaning. He knew Tony would, just like he did with his letters - and failed to do with Steve's longing looks. He sighed. Tony couldn't read his mind. It was unfair to expect he would.

He tried to remember how he had imagined the armor looked, back when Tony would lie in bed and Steve would cuddle by his side, listening with wide eyes to Tony's wild tales of daring and adventure. He'd put his head on Tony's chest, even if Tony flinched. It had been so warm, warmer even than his sunny spot up on the tree.

He remembered the rumbling, low sound of Tony's voice and Tony's hand brushing his back, Tony's arm around his waist. Tony kissing his forehead and then his mouth and then the tales of daring and adventure would turn into moans and almost silent promises.

He couldn't draw that. He couldn't draw how the morning light would highlight the lines in Tony's face or how the sheets tangled around his hips. He couldn't draw the weight of Tony on top of him or the taste of his cock.

But he could draw the window and New York's skyline beyond it. He could offer him that memory and the illusion of a Steve waiting for him back home. It was the least he could do. It wasn't hard to do, to remember New York, its smells and its noises. And it wasn't hard to remember the curtains in Tony's room or what exactly the view was.

When he was done, he turned the paper around and started writing on the back. 

_Dear Tony,_

_I'm sorry I haven't written lately, but there's not much to tell._

_I'm still working at the factory. No, I haven't quit. And they haven't fired me yet. It's not as exciting as being on a battlefield, but it's tiring enough. I'm exhausted. All I want is a good fluffy bed - and no, yours doesn't count._

No. That'd be giving away too much. He blotted it.

_\- and no, you cannot give me an advance for future services rendered or whatever you're calling your charity now. I haven't drawn anything for the magazine yet, so don't insist. I'm just doing my part to help, even if it's hard. I wish... I was there, helping you. But that's selfish. This is my place, I guess. This is what I have to do._

_It'll be over soon and then I can finally start working for the magazine, right? I'm sending you some drawing I did as practice._

_See you soon,  
Steve_

He signed the sketch and wrote a dedication under it. So you don't forget what home is like. He was pretty sure the skyline was accurate - near perfect memories of home was one of the perks of his eidetic memory.

He put the letter on an envelope, wrote Arnie Roth on the front of it, and jumped off the tree. He'd figure out how to send it without Tony figuring it out later. Walking slowly towards the camp, he daydreamed the war was over. He'd go home, find Tony and... then what? He sighed. Then it'd be over.

Tony wasn't working on the armor anymore. In fact, he couldn't see him at all. He went to his tent, to check the maps and the new intel Fury had sent him. Maybe he'd finally figure out what was HYDRA interested in. At the very least, it'd be some distraction..

But when entered, all he could see was Tony, sitting on top of his bedroll. He was pale and clutching a map Steve knew wasn't his.

'Hm, Tony? What's happened?'

Tony tried to smile. It wasn't a success. Steve got into the tent and crouched awkwardly in front of Tony, trying not to hug him.

'So, Cap... I know we haven't known each other for long, but I have a favor to ask.'

Steve just nodded and Tony seemed to gain confidence.

'It's Rhodey. He's been captured. By HYDRA. I need to go.'

'No.'

He hadn't even realized he was talking. Tony huffed. If it had been a larger tent, he would have been pacing.

'You don't get it, he's _my friend_. This is not a request for leave because I want to dance with some pretty ladies. If you refuse to let me go, I'll just... I'll just desert.'

'That's not...'

'And you won't get to execute me. I'll just come back a hero.'

He grabbed Tony by the shoulders and stared at him.

'Stop talking for a second. _I'll go_. With you. Nothing's happening here; the team can handle it.'

Tony was, to say the least, confused. 'They're... you're their leader.'

'They can live without me for a while. And I don't want to lose you. You're... you're a valuable member of the team and also terrible at stealth missions.'

'Says the man with the star-spangled costume.'

He smirked. 'It's hard to see at night. Promise.'

'Is there any chance I get to do this alone?'

He sat next to Tony.

'No. Now show me what information you have and we'll go from there.'

 

 

Tony's shoulders kept brushing against him. It was distracting. He tried to avoid it, but it was difficult, when the forest was thick and dark and he was scared he'd lose Tony to that darkness.

'I still think we should've brought her.'

It took him a second to realize who - or rather, what - Tony was talking about.

' _Her_?'

'Yes. Her. We should've brought her. I'm defenseless here.'

Steve pointed at Tony's hips and pointedly avoided looking at them.

'You've got a gun.'

'I've got several guns. And a knife. Well, several knives. But I don't have a 200 lbs metal armor that can shoot people. Therefore, I'm defenseless.'

Tony sighed, for dramatic effect. Steve smiled.

'You've got a Captain America too.'

'However much of a hardass Captain America might be, he's still not made of metal... is he?'

'You can check if you want.'

'Well, I just might. Later. Back at camp.'

He knew that low, caressing tone of Tony's voice. He had heard it the first night, through the smoke, the noise and the music, even before he had seen the twinkle in Tony's eyes, the easy way he had maneuvered to corner Steve against a wall. He hadn't been scared, just intrigued. Now, he was simply pissed.

' _Tony_...'

'I have to admit I'm curious about the serum and its effects on you. I've observed you, in battle. You're very interesting to look at.'

He had noticed. How could he not recognize the way Tony's eyes wandered down his body? Nobody else had ever looked at him like that.

He remained silent. Maybe Tony would stop.

'Better stamina. You're strong and you heal fast. That has all kinds of applications.'

He had thought about it. About not losing his breath, about Tony not stopping to check on him, about that last night when he was too tired or too scared to do anything else but embrace Tony. He shut his eyes.

'Tony. You have to focus. HYDRA can't have taken Rhodes too far away. We're near them. I can feel it.'

'So it's not only the stamina, the strength and the muscles. You're also magically able to detect Nazis. I knew it. Barnes just lost a bet.'

Ah, blessed change of subject.

'Betting is not moral.'

He knew Tony had just rolled his eyes. He always did, when Steve got to one of his speeches.

'Neither is cheating and yet, somehow, you always win at poker.'

He didn't cheat. Sometimes his new, improved memory helped, yes, but he'd never _cheat_.

'I don't cheat. I just get lucky.'

'Right. You could get lucky in other ways.'

He stopped, sudden and violent, and turned to stare at Tony.

'Ways that didn't involve _cheating_?'

He held his own against the stare, the bastard. As if he hadn't been flirting through most of the trek through the forest.

'No. Ways that wouldn't mean _I lose money_.'

Steve snorted. 'You've got money enough to waste.'

'Yes, I do, because I don't throw it at ridiculous pastimes that could not, actually, sustain my attention for long.'

He couldn't talk, after that. Just Tony's sneer was enough, but the suspicion that Tony's attention had already wandered sat on his chest, heavy and cold.

'I don't waste my money and I don't waste my time. So get moving, Captain America.'

 _Steve_ , he thought, _please just call me Steve_.

He wanted to keep moving, but then he heard, somewhere in front of them, the well-known sound of HYDRA energy weapons. He grabbed Tony by his arm and fell into the undergrowth with a thud. 

'HYDRA is coming.'

Tony slid closer to him, whispering. 'You could warn a man before jumping on him, Cap.'

'I like the element of surprise. Leads to better results.'

'Next time, can we go up instead of down? I'm all damp now.'

'Up to the trees? That's not possible'

'I know you can do it. It's where you have your hideout back at camp.'

For a second, he let panic overtake him. If he knew about that, what else did Tony know? He shook his head.

'Enough. Now let me listen.'

He counted a few voices - it seemed to be a scouting party. Were they expecting them? Were they expecting Tony? Rhodes had been the only soldier captured - the rest of his unit hadn't been so lucky -. They probably knew who he was. He hoped they hadn't tried to get intel on the armor out of Rhodes.

'There's about five of them. They're talking about returning to camp. I think they want us to follow them.'

'It's a trap. We knew that already, Cap.'

'We should just stick to the plan. Gather some intel, sneak on them and rescue Rhodes as quietly as possible.'

Tony nodded and tried to get up. Steve shook his head again.

'Let's keep low for now.'

'They know we're searching for them.'

'They _hope_ we're searching for them. Let's keep them hoping.'

Tony sighed, but nodded, and started crawling. The scouting party was loud and using flashlights, like very obvious bait. What was next? Singing the HYDRA Hymn of Joy and Murder?

It made it easy, at least, to follow them for the next half hour. They could see the camp now and the scouting party was saluting its fellow mooks. They seemed disappointed, which Steve guessed was good.

He counted around twenty HYDRA mooks. Low ranking, not that heavily armored. He was confident he could take them, but he didn't want Tony to get hurt.

A soldier he assumed was Rhodes was tied up, away from the fire. Three guards and darkness. Another obvious trap.

He was startled by Tony's voice, low and urgent.

'Hey, Cap? Can you cause a ruckus?'

'You want me to be a distraction? That's not the plan, Tony.'

'I know. But I saw something interesting and I think we can also shut down this HYDRA cell. For good.'

'It's risky. Rhodes could get hurt.'

He started moving back, but Tony grabbed him by the arm. His hand was warm and solid.

'Do you trust me?'

He had seen Tony in battle. He was smart and quick, even if a little reckless. And he knew HYDRA like nobody else did.

'Yes,' he said, breathlessly. 'With my life.'

 _Even after the war is over. Even back home_ , he thought. Tony looked stunned and then pleased.

'Then please just give them hell and jump to the trees when I say your name.'

He nodded. Tony slunk back into the darkness of the forest and soon disappeared from view. He stood up, tightened his hand around the shield's handle and smirked. Give them hell? Oh, he was gonna show Tony hell alright.

He observed the camp. It was messy - messy enough he wouldn't have allowed it at his camp -. There was a fire and several of HYDRA mooks sitting around it, chatting peacefully. It was jarring. With a swing of his arm, he could send the shield towards them and possibly take out most of them.

But that wasn't distracting enough, was it? He jumped, did a somersault and landed right next to the fire.

He smiled in the corniest, most All-American way he could and pointed at one of the mooks. They were confused.

'Good evening. Do you know the way to Berlin?'

He thought he heard Tony snort, somewhere behind him, but that was probably his imagination. The mooks scrambled to his feet, he swung his arm and the shield flew to the faces of the guards that were with Rhodes. He heard the thud, but he was already punching the face of somebody closer to him.

The shield came back, like it always did. He didn't think much, afterwards. He had been months at it. It was second nature now - knowing where the enemy was, dodging a bullet or a kick, grabbing one of their own weapons and using it against them. Bashing the heads of two enemies together. Elbow to the face of another. Somebody grappling. Tony's voice, loud and clear.

'Winghead! Time to leave this party!'

He was grappling with somebody, but he had to be quick. After a swift kick to the shin - he had been months at war, but he had a lifetime of dirty fighting -, he pushed him away and jumped. He grabbed a branch and climbed onto a tree. Three seconds later, the camp erupted into blue flames, the same color as HYDRA weapons.

Of course. Tony's plan was an explosion. It was always about explosions with him. He kept to the trees, trying to figure out where Tony was, his heart pounding fast. The forest was phantasmagoric and the blue light from the camp created monsters in the shadows. He shuddered and jumped down.

'Tony?!'

'Over here, Cap!'

Oh, thank goodness. He ran, avoiding trees and jumping over fallen trunks. He could see two dark figures, huddling against to a tree - Tony giving water to Rhodes.

He approached them. Rhodes seemed hurt. His hands shook and there was a ghastly wound on his left leg. But he was awake and aware of his surroundings, enough that he saw him coming before Tony did. He saluted him, weakly.

'Captain. I've heard a lot about you.'

'I... well, I've read a lot about you.'

' _Marvels_ fan?'

Tony was looking at him now, surprised. They hadn't discussed the magazine much. Steve shrugged. 'Who wasn't, really?'

'HYDRA,' Rhodes said.

Tony laughed. He always laughed like that when they talked about HYDRA. Bitter and dark, like he was avoiding the edges of an all too familiar pain.

'Oh, that'll teach them to read Marvels,' he said, with the same darkness.

Rhodes was thoughtful. 'It was just like that one time on the Misti, right?'

'Yep. I used their own weapons. They're highly unstable - they need better designers.'

If he knew Tony - and he did - he was just about to start a tirade about shoddy workmanship. It wasn't really the moment.

'How are you holding up, Rhodes?' he interrupted.

'Tony told me your camp is about one day walk from here. And I'm afraid I'll slow you down.'

He shook his head. 'I can take you, if you don't mind.'

'As long as you put me down before I meet your team, I don't mind anything that'll avoid a long walk through the forest. I'm tired of those.'

Tony fluttered his eyes.

'Aw, Captain, I was expecting to be the one in your arms.'

He couldn't do this. It wasn't right. Tony had a sweetheart - he wasn't supposed to be flirting. _Steve_ wasn't supposed to be flirting.

'Oh, I'll sweep you off your feet whenever you want me to.'

Rhodes was already standing up, using the tree as support. He got closer and got him into his arms. At least Rhodes' wound wasn't bleeding, but he didn't want to risk it. He started walking.

'Is that a promise? Because I'm really jealous right now.'

He didn't answer, but he knew he was smiling.

'Sorry, Tony, I get first dibs on the Capmobile.'

'Oh, I'll just ride him later.'

And now he knew he was blushing. The walk to the camp was going to be hell.

'Tony. Focus. And shut up.'

'Sure, Cap. But do you promise?'

'I promise. And I always keep my word.'

He wasn't lying, not technically. If Tony didn't mind his sweetheart having grown five times larger overnight and said sweetheart having lied for several months and, before that, the aforementioned sweetheart having withheld the fact he was going to undergo an experimental and possibly deadly medical procedure, yes, he'd sweep Tony off his feet. And let him ride him.

And, of course, his sweetheart would have to forget the fact that Tony was incredibly comfortable flirting with other men. Well, _technically_ other men.

They kept walking in silence and soon, Rhodes was asleep. He hadn't asked what had happened, before he was found, but he suspected it hadn't been pleasant.

'Hey, I wanted to thank you,' he heard Tony whisper. He had realized quickly what Steve's enhanced senses meant. It came in handy during missions, but the whispered dirty jokes when he was giving a speech weren't a favorite of Steve's.

'It was no big deal. There weren't even that hard to beat.'

'I know, I know, you'd risk your life for a squirrel's, but still. This was important to me.'

'I know, Tony. It's... it's fine. You're part of my team and that makes Rhodes part of my team too, in a way. And I don't leave teammates behind.'

'Still, thank you.'

He would've shrugged, but he was afraid he'd disturb Rhodes. 'You'll find the way to thank me, I'm sure.'

'Can it be a fun way to thank you?'

He frowned. Tony always had the charm on - but this was excessive. Was he this desperate? Had he been with other people, during the war? He had always known it was a possibility and sure, he knew he had never been much to look at but... Tony had _promised_.

'It can be a boring one too.'

'Aw, but think of it! Captain America, weaponized! Or better - a flying Captain America!'

'Wait, what?'

'I can build something for you. I could also find a priceless magical artifact for you but that's gonna take some time.'

'Oh. I can settle for a team-up in _Marvels_.'

'Hey, that's not a bad idea. I know the perfect guy to draw it.'

He glanced at Tony and his expression softened Steve's anger. He looked wistful and vulnerable, like Steve remembered him. He didn't speak after that, lost in his memories.

Several hours later, and when Tony was already flagging, Steve smelt smoke. It was coming from the direction of the Invaders camp.

He quickened his pace. He tried to listen in, tried to figure out if there had been a battle or if it was under attack. Was there even still a camp? He hadn't even taken a radio because, technically, it wasn't a real mission. What was he thinking? This was war, not a date.

'Hey, Cap, wait for me! What's going on?'

'There's fire. At camp.'

Tony nodded once and kept up with Steve's pace. He felt guilty, listening to Tony's labored breath but he needed to reach his team soon. Rhodes needed medical attention and he had to assess the damage.

'It might have been an accident. It's not necessarily an attack.'

'What? Somebody was cooking breakfast and burnt the toast?'

'That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that you shouldn't panic before we know what's happened.'

Oh, so that's what was happening. Tony was trying to soothe him. It had happened, once or twice. Hell, the first they had ever been together, it had ended terribly. Steve had lost his breath - _asthma attack, what you had was an asthma attack_ , Tony would correct, always, as if Steve didn't know the difference - and it had ended in Steve dragging himself to his place in the middle of the night. He had never thought Tony would come after him.

'I'm not _panicking_.'

Tony sighed. 'It sure looks like it. Don't stop thinking, not yet at least. That won't be good.'

He hated that tone of voice. It was sweet and calm and maddening.

'Don't talk like you know me!'

'We've fought together long enough for me to know what that face means, Captain! If I don't keep my eyes on you, you'll be jumping in front of a tank!'

That hadn't been his finest moment, but Tony's tone was more like it. He refused to look at him.

'I don't need you to look after me. And keep it down, will you? You'll wake Rhodes _and_ HYDRA.'

Tony had stopped. Was he really trying to have a row in the middle of the forest?

'Right, so you won't even give me the satisfaction of a good argument.'

He turned around to look at Tony. He hoped he looked more apologetic than he felt.

'Let's keep moving. You can scream at me later.'

Tony relaxed, a little bit, and got closer. 'I sure will. And I'll make you scream too. I'm really good at that.'

He broke into a run and Tony followed him.

'You sound very confident of your abilities.'

'I am. I told you, I know how you work.'

'Don't presume that.'

'Well, you're not panicking anymore, are you?'

If it hadn't been for Rhodes, he would have wiped Tony's smirk off his face. Whether that'd would have been with a punch or a kiss or both, he didn't know.

They kept walking in silence and Steve tried to keep his mind occupied. Maybe he was panicking. Maybe there was nothing wrong and Tony was right. He had the uncanny ability to be right about Steve all the frigging time, for somebody he had known for... a month or four, depending on the count. It was like he got him, without words or even _despite_ his words. It was the same feeling he got when they fought together.

The camp was closer now and he could already hear the noises. It was quieter than usual and that was worrying, so he pressed on. When they finally reached it, his heart plummeted. There have been an attack, that much was obvious. Tony's armor was in pieces. Most of the tents were a lost cause. He heard Tony gasp behind him.

' _This_ was the trap,' Tony said and Steve knew it was true. Rhodes had been bait, and this was why HYDRA had been so quiet lately. They knew he'd get restless. Did they... did they know about him and Tony?

'Thank you for stating the obvious.'

'That's... we couldn't have predicted this.'

'Maybe if you had stopped to think for a second, you would have realized that the only reason they'd take Rhodes alive was to lure you away.'

'Well, then why didn't you stop me, if I was being so stupid?'

_Because I wanted to go with you. I wanted to help you. Because I can't think around you._

'I tried! You wouldn't have stopped! You would have gone ahead with or without me!'

'Then you could've let me go alone.'

No, he couldn't have. He knew it would have been distracting, thinking about Tony in danger.

'You could've stayed put. You could've asked Fury for help.'

'Same goes to you.'

He put Rhodes on the floor and went straight ahead. He saw Tony kneel down next to him and start whispering. Probably telling him to wake up. He shook his head and pressed forward.

'Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.'

'Who's there?'

That was Jim, so one of them at least was safe. He screamed the password and Jim approached them, a grim expression on his face.

'Cap. And... that's Stark. And... who's that?'

He needed the information. Quick.

'Rhodes. Tony's friend. HYDRA took him, we staged a rescue operation. But that's not the point. There was an attack. When? How many?'

'Last night, while you were gone. We don't know how many of them, but we know they were tougher than normal. Quicker. Stronger.'

'Who was on watch?'

'That's... they came for Stark's armor. It was a stealth operation, but Bucky caught them. Supposed to be asleep, but you know how he is.'

Ha, he would have. Kid was more observant than it seemed.

'And you fought them off?'

'Yeah, we did, after he gave the alarm. Armor doesn't seem that damaged.'

He nodded, his chest swelling with pride. He had a good team, even when he wasn't around.

'Good for him.'

But Jim still looked grim and closed off. He wasn't even looking at Steve.

'I don't know if that's true, Cap.'

'Why... why do you say that?'

'They took him, Cap. They took Bucky.'

It had been a while since he last had trouble breathing, but at that moment, it was as if he didn't even have lungs. He remembered Tony's stricken face, when he had told Steve Rhodes had been taken. He remembered feeling empathy, wanting to comfort Tony. He realized, now, that it would have been impossible to comfort Tony.

'What do we know.'

He was sure he sounded weird. He felt the prickling of tears in his eyes and he felt the knot on his throat, but he had to ask. He had to act.

'Cap...'

'I won't ask again, Jim.'

'He was alive. When he was taken. We know that for sure, because he was still trying to kick them. We've tried to track them down.'

'To no avail.'

Jim nodded, still grim and closed off. He was probably blaming Steve. Their leader, off to have some grand, stupid adventure with Tony.

'Bring me all the information we have on HYDRA movements to the tent.'

'Captain, I don't think we'll be able to find him.'

'I won't repeat myself.'

He walked towards the tent and he assumed, more than heard, that Tony was getting Rhodes medical care, behind him. 

 

It was dark, inside, and he didn't bother with a light. He didn't need them. He could see the maps laying down on the table, the intelligence reports. Could he have foreseen this? Why had they taken Bucky? Were they expecting Captain America to be at camp? Was he the original target? Were he and Tony the targets, then? Both of them?

He sat down on his chair, trying to remember any nearby HYDRA bases. But then light drowned the tent and he could see Tony, frowning.

'Cap.'

'How's Rhodes?'

'He'll survive. I talked to him and I have bad news.'

'Do you ever have good ones?'

'Not really, no. He heard the HYDRA agents talk, while he was captive. They didn't realize he understands German.'

He perked up, at that. Maybe that could be useful intel. Maybe he'd get a clue.

'Let me guess - it was a trap. They wanted me.'

Tony shook his head and sat on the table, staring down at Steve.

'They wanted _both of us_. They thought we'd separate. They know how I operate - they assumed I'd go alone. You were... a surprise.'

'I was a mistake.'

'Cap... don't blame yourself for this. You couldn't have known. And I'm sure Zemo planned this carefully.'

'We should've realized it was a trap. _You_ should've realized it was one. You're supposed to be the expert.'

Tony's eyes suddenly focused on the ground.

'I did. Realize, I mean.'

'And you didn't...' it was hard, to even talk. '... you didn't tell me?'

It was hard, not to think about what other secrets Tony was hiding from him. Like why did he know so much about HYDRA.

'You... I wasn't expecting you to _join_ me.'

Speaking was like chewing glass. 'So you kept me in the dark? So you used me?'

'Saving Rhodes was what mattered!'

Rhodes, Rhodes. What about Steve? What about the Invaders? Were they so irrelevant? He stood up and put some distance between him and Tony.

'This is a war, Tony! You put my team at risk because of that! You shouldn't have gone off like that! There's... there's a protocol. We could've asked Fury for help.'

'I didn't ask you for help. You forced me to take you with me! I don't need you. I could've pulled it off on my own.'

'So I should've just... let you go face HYDRA on your own. Sure.'

'Yes? It's what I asked you to do.'

'You had a duty! You were supposed to help the team!'

Tony growled and grabbed Steve by the shoulders, his eyes boring into Steve's.

'It's not your fault.'

'That's... of course it's not, it's yours.'

As soon as he said it, he knew something between them had broke. And from the look in Tony's impossibly blue eyes, it would be impossible to fix.

A smile was playing in Tony's lips, a smile he had never seen before. His hands slid off Steve's shoulders.

'I see, Captain. I'll begin packing.'

'What? Why would you... you're leaving?'

'The armor is in pieces. I won't be of any help here. And I won't deny these have been an enjoyable two months, but it's time for me to go.'

He was sinking, wasn't he? Or at least he felt like it, like he was walking in a swamp and Tony was miles ahead of him, getting farther and farther away.

'You can't decide that. Fury assigned you to this team.'

'I'm one of the biggest providers for the US military. I have a state-of-the-art armor that's saved this team and many more more than once. I'm a genius. And that's not even mentioning the wit, the charm, the style or my dancing skills. I decide what I do, not Fury.'

'So you run? You make a mistake and that's your reaction? To leave us? After you've caused this?'

'My only mistake was trusting you. And I'm not running away.'

'You keep telling yourself that, you coward.'

'I'm not a coward. I'm just being pragmatic. I can't help here - I can't even fix the armor without a workshop. But if I leave, I can gather intelligence. I'll keep you posted on what I find. This... it's better, for everybody, for Barnes, if I leave.'

'Then do it, because that's what you always do. I won't stop you.'

He had said those words to Tony, a long time ago in a place that didn't exist anymore. He imagined, maybe, the ghost of a smile in Tony's lips.

'Goodbye, Captain.'

He didn't reply. He couldn't. This wasn't the first time he had seen Tony leave, the first time Tony had turned his back on him. It seemed this was what they were meant for - a long series of missed dates and lost letters. But he couldn't wallow in it. Bucky was still in HYDRA's hands and it was his duty to save him.

For all he cared, Tony could burn in Hell.

That night, he slept. He never knew how, when his mind was swirling with thoughts and Tony's voice in the distance - talking to Rhodes, it seemed; he hoped Rhodes was asleep -. When he woke up, he knew he had dreamed and he knew it hadn't been a pretty dream. There was the familiar tiredness in his muscles, the cold in his bones that settled in after a nightmare. Maybe it'd never go away.

Tony hadn't left yet, because he could see him packing in his tent, but it was the last time he'd see him. He wanted to avoid it, to avoid another goodbye, to avoid that weakness. Tony had to leave because Tony had been right, it was for the best. Tony was dangerous. He had to remember that.

He checked the scene of the battle. In the light of dawn, it was eerily quiet and eerily natural - it was as if the tables had always been meant to be overturned, as if grass was supposed to be burnt and not verdant. It was obvious where they had gone, because he could see some blood - blood he couldn't pretend to hope wasn't Bucky's, because the only way they could've taken him was if Bucky was hurt - and he could see that the low branches of the trees were broken.

He followed their trail, but it didn't go far. It ended in a clearing. It was, no doubt, beautiful but it didn't look normal - there were scorch marks on the ground. Their transport, he assumed, but there had been no information on HYDRA having any airships. And there would be no information about Bucky, he thought. The trail stopped cold and who knew how fast they had gone, where they could be a few days later, or why they had taken Bucky.

If they had taken him, it would have made sense. But Bucky? He was strong and resilient, yes, and he had Steve's back like nobody else, but he wasn't special. Not like Steve. Bucky wasn't bait, because there were no messages, no taunts, just emptiness.

He stood there, alone, until he realized the sun was now shining above his head and that he was hungry. He turned back. The team probably had known that the trail stopped there. They probably had known there was no hope. They had known Steve had failed them.

The camp was still quiet when he arrived. He rushed into his tent. The team couldn't see him cry, he'd lose whatever faith they had left on him and that'd only make matters worse. But he managed to steal a glance at Tony's tent, already empty.

He plumped down on his chair and tore off his cowl. He hated the thing.

And then he saw, on the table, a neat stack of papers. And a note, in top of it, in Tony's unmistakable handwriting.

He took it and read it.

_I'm not supposed to show you this but Fury says it's on a need to know basis, and I've decided you need to know now._

He hadn't even signed, the show-off. Maybe he could be dramatic too - he could burn it or throw it in the ground. Jump on it, even. Maybe it would help with his frustration.

He caught a glimpse at one of the folders. Intelligence reports, plans and what looked like HYDRA internal files. He thumbed through it and stopped when he saw a particular design. An airship that looked like a flat oval, with a wide front full of windows and folded wings on the sides. Tony had scribbled notes next to it _~~Hopefully~~ Possibly theoretical for now, but if HYDRA manages, we're screwed._

And below _Attack on the camp! That's why there were no movements._ He went over the papers again. Some were old, marked with coffee and grease stains, covered in Tony's scribbles. Others looked more recent, but the scribbles were there too. He went back to the design and tried to imagine where they might have put Bucky. He couldn't - it was the reason he was always bad at technical drawing, he couldn't quite put it together in his mind. He envied Tony that.

There was another note from Tony.

_According to the design, the base cannot possibly be farther away than 50 km. Not enough fuel._

He read on. There were other designs and reports on HYDRA cells. Those were covered with Tony's notes too. He had marked possible HYDRA cells that might have taken Bucky and compiled the intelligence reports that showed possible bases for the airships. He had even made a map, trying to pinpoint the location.

Steve shook his head - Tony's intel was slightly out of date, but maybe if they contacted Fury, if they got more information on recent HYDRA movements... maybe they could find Bucky. Maybe somebody in the team could... he remembered Tony's words. Of course - that had been Tony's point. He had been right, the bastard. He threw the folder on the table and then stood up.

He put on the cowl again and peered outside the tent. Tony's tent was gone and so was the debris from the armor. Rhodey had also been moved. How had Tony managed to leave so quickly and with such short notice? It bothered him, the gaps in Tony's work. Why had he been suddenly assigned to his team? He had been overjoyed, back then, and hadn't questioned the situation. But now...

He shook his head. There were more pressing matters at hand. They had to be on the move again and he had to contact Fury. And then... then he could write a letter.

The radio they used to contact Fury was right where he had left it, but it looked... different, somehow. and it was strange that it hadn't even been moved during the fight. He grabbed it and examined it closely. There were some new dents and something that looked like a bullet hole. His heart sank but there were signs, unmistakable signs, that somebody had tore it open and put it back together again. HYDRA. Had they been listening in to their conversations? No, that couldn't be. He knew the radio hadn't been tampered with before he had left, before the attack. But maybe during it...? He put it on the table, crossed his arms and then saw the other note. Same neat, elegant handwriting. Next time he saw Tony, he was going to have to tell him that some things were better said in person.

(If he ever saw Tony again.)

The note was short. _Radio damaged during attack. ~~Fixed~~ Improved it!_. Next time he saw Tony, he was going to punch him in the face first. He turned it on and went through the process of proving who he was by rote, lost in thought.

'Captain, can you report or do I have to go there?'

Fury's voice was familiar and soothing in the way drinking cheap alcohol was soothing. That is, not soothing at all.

'Sorry, General.'

'You're never sorry.'

'I am now, sir. There was an attack.'

'I know. Barnes has been taken. I have an assignment for you.'

'Sir, I'm sorry to say this but Bu... Barnes is our first priority.'

'You have no leads, Captain, but I do... and I know better than to stop you.'

'How do you know already? How do you even have leads?'

'Another agent reported first and helped our analysts identify possible sites.'

Bastard. How had he even gotten there so fast? How could he be always one step ahead? How could he be helping him, not even letting Steve hate him the way he wanted to? He was supposed to be a coward, instead of merely pragmatic.

'Sir? Tell the agent that we're thankful.'

 _Tell him that I'm sorry_.


	2. I'll dream of them while we're apart

A week after, he still hadn't even started composing his letter. He hadn't had the time. Fury's lead had turned out to be a former monastery near a small town, where HYDRA had been sighted moving fuel barrels. There were no tracks and no left behind agents, only terrified locals and a huge gaping hole of uncertainty in the middle of his chest. They were moving again the next morning, so they hadn't even bothered to set up the tents. They were going to check out other nearby sites. Maybe somebody local had heard something, maybe they had left behind important files. Maybe he was just itching for a fight.

He grabbed some paper. How could he start? He watched the blank page with intent, hoping it'd reveal something. He sighed and wrote _Hi, Tony_. That sounded too informal, too casual. He had to apologize for how he had treated Tony, he couldn't start this letter like he started all his other letters. He didn't even know why he was writing it. 

There was no hope. Tony was already assigned somewhere else and even if he could justify the tactical advantage of the suit and of Tony's cleverness to Fury, in the end, he knew it'd be a lie. He just missed him. He had been missing Tony for half a year now, since the moment their brief time together had ended. Of their first meeting, he only remembered the confusion of the nightclub and Tony's blue eyes piercing him through the smoke, but he remembered every last detail of their last day together.

_He never asked about Tony's chest, about the plate. Tony would tell him in time, so he just put his hand over it. The metal was warm to the touch, as if it was just smooth skin and not the sign of a past Steve knew nothing about. Tony grabbed his hand and kissed the top of his head. He knew he should be offended at that, but he could never stay mad at Tony._

_'Steve, there's something I need to tell you.'_

_He sat up on the bed and looked at Tony straight into his eyes._

_'You're leaving.'_

_Tony's eyes turning to the window._

_'How do you know?_

_Because people always left him behind. It had been a nice few weeks, at least, and it wouldn't be good if he died during Rebirth and Tony had to deal with that. If Tony was gone, then Steve Rogers could fade away, with nobody to miss him._

_'You're Tony Stark. You can't stay idle for long. And you're a good man, so you want to help.'_

_'It's... it's the war. I'd stay if I could, but I have to go. I have to help.'_

_'Then do it, because that's what you always do. I won't stop you.'_

_Tony tugged his hand and Steve found himself splayed over Tony's chest. It wasn't a dignified position._

_'But you'll have to wait for me. I promise I'll come back to you.'_

_Steve didn't like lying, but he knew Tony was making a promise he couldn't keep._

_'I will. We'll meet again. I... I promise, Tony.'_

If only he had known how exactly they'd meet again. He imagined, for a second, how it'd end if he told Tony the truth. If he sent this letter as Captain America and not Steve Rogers. If he sent this letter as the man who had pushed Tony away instead of the man waiting for him.

He'd lose him. And it was better to have Tony close but far away, to write sweet lies to him than to lose him forever.

He took a blank page off his notepad and took his pen. The beginning was easy enough - the same one, the one that his fingers wrote automatically. _Dear Tony_. What should have followed were his standard lies - fabricated anecdotes about the factory he was working in, mysteriously similar to the ones that Tony would live in the Invaders' camp. Sketches of what he thought New York looked like that would get invaded by the faces of Italian villagers and French soldiers. Imaginary friends involved in low-stakes adventures that spoke like the Invaders. Angry shopkeepers with Namor's grimace. A life he built for himself on the ruins of his real one. A life that'd give Tony home and a refugee from the adrenaline, from the hurting. Steve had grown tired of it, of the adventure. The adrenaline and the danger had been invigorating at first, but now they were a dreary routine.

Tony had always been an adventurer, so he probably was dealing with it better than Steve. But he knew, now, that adventures weren't like in Marvels. Marvels omitted the mud, the dust, how your stomach would growl, how your feet would swell during long treks through the wilds. They kept the adrenaline and added glamor to create lies made of paper and ink. No different from his letters, he thought.

So he kept writing and tried to keep it as close to the truth as possible. _Dear Tony, you're a bastard that should be here and not gallivanting off to who knows where. Must be fun, wandering around instead of being stuck here._ That sounded bitter, but it also sounded like him. Maybe he could do a self-portrait of who he used to be. A memento for Tony. He did have an old mirror in his tent and it was a sunny day, maybe he could manage. He stood up and took the mirror. He could only see a quarter of his face at the time, but it'd be enough. He sketched in some structure, and then his nose - it hadn't changed much and it still looked like his father's did in the pictures his mother had. He adjusted the mirror to see his eyes - those were the same too, he thought. Maybe a little more tired. His mouth was quick to follow. He tried to build his old face around it, but when he looked at it, it was wobbly and deformed. A bunch of pieces that didn't fit. 

He went back to writing and kept the opening intact. The closer to the truth lies were, the easier it was to believe in them. He kept it short, this time. There was little to tell Tony because it wasn't like Tony had sent letters lately. He hadn't thought much of it, but it had been months since Tony had last sent a letter. In fact, they had stopped when Tony had arrived at camp. He knew he had been busy because he had seen it and he hadn't minded because Tony was there, but... Steve frowned and a bitter cold spread in his chest. Had Tony been distracted by his work or by somebody else? He did write letters, he knew it.

So in the end, he drew Tony. Tony as he had seen him during the last few months, exhausted but still holding up through sheer force of will. Tony as he remembered him, smiling in his sleep or soaking up the morning sun like a very satisfied cat. All of it was lies, too, but at least they made him feel warmer. He put it inside an envelope and sent it to the void, like a prayer.

He got the first letter from Tony a month or two after Bucky. Steve had infiltrated an occupied French town to get a dead drop. And between the plans and the intel, there it was, old and crumbled, like it had been passed along many hands, a letter from Henry Hellrung to Arnie Roth. Fury knew those letters were meant for him and not for the first time, he wondered how much Fury had guessed.

He put it inside his uniform, near his chest, and went back to camp. The letter was long and meandering, as if Tony had been adding new details as he went along, whenever he got a chance to stop. He tried to pinpoint where it had been written - it was dated from before Steve and Tony had met on the battlefield again, but he realized some of the details were about the short time Tony had spent with them. 

Tony's mood would change from paragraph to paragraph. He had seemed the happiest during those two months they were together - hopeful and praising his new boss, even if he was too stubborn and liked to argue way too much. It stopped, Steve realized, just before the attack on the camp. There was a quick scribble he couldn't figure out - I'll be home soon. Tony never wrote that kind of thing in his letters. Charming and skillful in twisting the truth as he was, he never outright lied to Steve. Then why had he thought he'd be home soon? HYDRA hadn't been close to being defeated and there were no rumors of peace. What did Tony know that not even Captain America was entitled to know?

The second letter he got came one or two weeks after and it was barely a note. Dated after the attack, probably sent on that same day. When he first opened it, Steve panicked. _I miss you. I can't go home now. I miss you._ Too honest, too open, too obvious. And too much of a reminder he had lost Tony anyway. It was the only one he kept on his uniform at all times. The rest were at camp, safe and under lock and key.

As the letters trickled in, every few months, he became convinced that Tony had been lying too, obscuring his real work. He avoided mentioning Captain America, but he did talk about losing a very young operative. He had mentioned Bucky before, as somebody funny and smart and dangerous. Reminded him of himself, he had said. He could see it, somehow. He tried to piece together what he was actually doing now. What was his actual mission? Was it still HYDRA? Or was he involved in the plans he heard about, in hushed whispers, plans about secret weapons and dangerous science?

His replies were cheerful and long while Tony's letters remained brief. Crumpled paper, lines scribbled on the other side of some schematic Steve couldn't get. Coffee and grease stains. A life on the go, with tiny, small pauses carved for Steve. He tried to do the same, to steal a few minutes for Tony - but it was becoming harder to keep his bitterness from bleeding into the page.

 _I wonder if war ever becomes boring._

And a sketch of Tony in a suit, in the middle of what Steve thought was a society party should look like.

_I drew your apartment again - I don't know if I remember it or my sketches of it by now. Do you even still own it?_

The armor, as it looked on the first page of a two months old newspaper Steve had gotten his hands on.

Tony shaving in the morning.

_Are you scared that you'll never come home? I know I am._

The last of the villagers shook his head and went back into his home, muttering under his breath. Steve didn't need to know Italian to know what he was saying. They were back at where they had started - a tiny town, overlooked by the imposing ruin of an old monastery. 

There were no leads and while Steve hadn't said the words give up - because he'd never give up -, they would now focus on other missions.  Nobody had heard or seen Bucky or HYDRA. They had checked the 50 km radius Tony had determined based on HYDRA's airship designs, but it had been useless. Even if they had found two warehouses that were emptied in a rush and three small HYDRA enclaves, there was nothing to indicate what they were doing or where they could be holding prisoners. 

And Fury had grown impatient, having one of his best operatives stuck in a wild goose chase. But what else could he do? Give up on Bucky? Bucky wouldn't - he'd always search for him. He owed him that, even if time dulled the sharp blade of that pain and, as months passed, Steve sometimes caught himself forgetting. It was easy to forget, to throw himself into battle. He'd wake up exhausted and go to sleep exhausted. He was reckless, sometimes, and too violent, other times. Nobody mentioned it, but he knew they disapproved.

They'd make camp in the outskirts of town - since the villagers at best distrusted them - and wait for their new orders there. But first he wanted to do one last tour of the town. Maybe he had missed something and if there were no new leads, at least it was pretty. He looked at the homes - all normal and no suspicious activity - and then he stopped before an empty church. It wasn't imposing or even particularly beautiful, but the sunset caressed the tired stones, ravaged by war and time, and it reminded Steve of home. Not of what New York looked like or how the people he loved sounded like - just the warm, soothing feel of home. This town wasn't home for Steve, but it was loved anyway. 

There was a huddled figure sitting on the steps, sleeping. The man was tall, lean and wearing a gray hat that covered his face in shadows. His blue shirt was clean, but it had old grease marks. And Steve had drawn those elegant, but rough hands about a hundred times.

His breath hitched and he stood there, unsure of what to do. Should he get closer? Wake him up? Go back to camp and hope for an answer? The man lifted his head and now it was obvious it was Tony, the color of his eyes brought out by the shirt, his mustache still perfectly coiffed somehow. He drew the cowl down before Tony could recognize him - if that was even possible -, drew a deep breath and then walked towards the church.

'Captain,' Tony said and offered him a bottle of wine, barely moving. Tony didn't seem drunk, but the wine bottle was almost empty. He took it and his fingers brushed Tony's.

He took a long sip and grimaced. He still didn't like wine much, but it'd do. He wiped off his mouth with his hand and looked back at Tony.

'Stark. Can't believe you have time for a vacation.'

Tony's back stood straight now and his arms were crossed. He hadn't taken off the hat and hadn't asked for the bottle back.

'I really enjoy the Italian sun, don't you? It's good for your health and it helps you calm down.' He looked at Steve up and down. Steve's uniform was ragged, now, and his boots were covered in mud. Even the shield had seen better days. 'Seems like you could use a dose.'

'Isn't the wine enough calming down for one day?'

It never was enough for Steve, since the serum. Tony shrugged and said nothing.

'Why are you here?'

Tony stood up. He seemed thinner and his eyes were sunken. He didn't seem to be carrying any weapon, not even a knife.

'None of your business, Captain.'

Steve put his hand around Tony's right arm. He _was_ thinner, Steve's impression had been right, and shivered under Steve's touch. Steve couldn't help it and drew Tony closer. He could see the new lines of worry in his frown now.

'Are you a deserter now? Did you take a liking to running away?'

Tony put his left hand around Steve's wrist, trying to take Steve's hand away from his arm but his strength was no match to Steve's. He stared at Steve, unflinching like he always was.

'I don't run away, I move on. Different things,' Tony said.

Steve's hold on Tony's arm tightened.

'Not all of us can afford to do that when we get bored.'

'Well, that's unfortunate. If I get bored, I leave,' Tony said, adding an exaggerated, dramatic shrug. Steve let go and Tony walked past him, not even bothering to glance at him.

Behind, on the church steps he had been sitting on, he had left a few sketches that were painfully familiar to Steve. He took them and turned around, but the knot in his throat didn't allow him to call after Tony.

The walk to camp proved that at least a bit of what Tony had said was true - the Italian sun was soothing, at least during sunset. But it didn't calm him down because he couldn't stop thinking. Nobody had told him Tony would be there and that was important intel. His team was always involved when something big was about to go down, just like Tony was.

If he wasn't in the loop, it was because they either thought he was going to be useless or that he was going to refuse. Some new science thing, maybe? Dangerous like Rebirth? Or worse? Or maybe Tony wasn't there on official business and that was even more chilling.

It was night already when he arrived. He sat on his tent, staring at the sketches - a very old self-portrait he had made back in New York, the view from Tony's apartment, the armor landing in front of some HYDRA troops - and skipped dinner. He wasn't hungry and all he wanted to do was to go to sleep, so he did.  

That was one thing he wouldn never do again, because when he woke up at dawn, he was ravenous. He wolfed down his breakfast, got the debriefing from the previous night and didn't mention meeting Tony to anybody.

After a morning checking the guard shifts and doing a review of their equipment, he went to the town again with the excuse of trying to charm some Italian lady into feeding him a better lunch than rations. There was laughter and some jokes but nobody joined him. He wandered around, but Tony was nowhere to be seen. He was still in the area, because the locals muttered a lot about a man with a beard and a redhead who kept asking about the monastery.

He actually had to pay for his lunch - he was as bad at charming ladies as he ever was - and there wasn't much difference between rations and stale bread with a little ham and cheese, but at least it tasted like something. He sat at the church to eat it and drank some wine because Tony had never taken the bottle back. The silence was enjoyable, and he got back to camp around sunset. He had to go back to his tent right after dinner because he had an appointment to keep with Fury. After a few minutes of sitting in a chair staring at the radio, his boss opened with his all usual tact.

'Do you enjoy pissing people off, Rogers?'

The worst part was that that could refer to about a dozen incidents.

'Only when they're Nazis, sir.'

'Tony Stark is not a Nazi.'

Were they sure of that? After all, Tony had dragged him away from the camp the night Bucky had been taken. What if he knew who Steve was and that was why he was sent there? To manipulate him? He shook his head. That was just his paranoid side talking.

'Wasn't my intention to piss him off, sir.'

Even if it was all he could do, lately.

'Didn't seem like it.'

Steve squared his shoulders. 'I was trying to ascertain his motives for being here.'

'You follow orders, Rogers, and leave the ascertaining to me.'

'I haven't got any orders, sir,' Steve huffed. He was just playing tourist now.

'If  you did, you still wouldn't follow them.' Fury made a pause to give Steve space to answer to that provocation, but he crossed his arms and remained silent, wishing the radio waves could transmit his frustration back to headquarters. 'We sent you there to meet with Stark. He arrived today for that and I hope the second meeting goes down better because you're escorting him on an infiltration mission.'

Arrived today? He bit his tongue before asking if Fury was wrong. Even if he was, he was going to keep his information to himself. 'Will Stark agree to that?'

'It was his idea.' 

Why the hell hadn't Tony clarified that when they had met? Why didn't Fury know Tony was already there? They had talked, that much was obvious, but Tony kept playing his games. He frowned.

'We will meet him at camp, then.'

'No. Just you. You're not supposed to bring attention to what you're doing, so you should leave the team behind.'

He stood up. He knew Fury couldn't see him, but he couldn't stay put.

'Excuse me, sir, but I've left enough of my team behind already.'

And going alone sounded like a trap.

'It's not a suggestion, Captain.'

'Let me note my disagreement, sir.'

'Disagreement noted and ignored, soldier. You'll meet with Stark after this call and he'll explain the mission to you. These are the coordinates.'

He only took his shield with him when he went to see Tony that same night, in an olive grove just outside the town. The moon was almost full and came through the trees as he walked. Deep inside the grove, Tony was leaning against a tree, almost slumped. There was very little left of the swagger he carried with him back in New York. Back then, Steve thought Tony was unbeatable, always looking dashingly perfect, always witty and charming.

'Stark,' he said.

Tony raised his head but Steve couldn't see his face even if he was standing a few feet away.

'Captain,' he said and his tone was like the hatch of a tank closing.

Steve took a step forward and almost took the cowl down. 'I - I want to apologize. For earlier.'

Tony scoffed and stepped into the moonlight. He didn't have the hat anymore and was wearing a dark leather jacket instead of the blue shirt. He was clearly carrying weapons this time around.

'You have something of mine. Give it back,' Tony said, extending his hand towards Steve. Steve gulped.

'I was planning to, Tony, I swear. I saw them after you left.'

He dug into his pocket to grab the sketches, his hand trembling, and put them in Tony's open hand. Tony closed his hand and put them in the pocket of his leather jacket. His shoulders were less tense now.

'Did you look at them?'

He looked down at his boots. 'I'm sorry.'

'You're not but we have work to do, so I... it's water under the bridge,' Tony said, extending his empty hand again. They shook hands under the moonlight. Tony's felt clammy and Steve couldn't think about anything other than Tony's angry, jagged exhaustion. He let go of Tony's hand and tried to focus on the mission. He needed to stay calm.

'What has Fury told you?'

'Stealth mission against HYDRA. Probably the monastery.'

Tony's smile shone like a razor. 'Smart. Yes, it's a base. We need to find out what they're doing there.'

Right after Bucky had disappeared, they had checked the place. There had been nothing of note - an empty, old abandoned building that was creepy at night but no troops movement, no supply lines and no secret doors leading to vast HYDRA bases. The most notable bit were some alfresco paintings depicting The Crucifixion. 'But we checked it out - there was no movement and no people there.'

'They've been moving around their sites, probably in one of their new airships. They're too fast for most of us to catch them. But we got a few reports from the Air Force, so we set up some surveillance here and knew a few large shipments had been made to this area in the last few weeks, so we think they're preparing a new operation.'

'Then, no matter what it is, we need to stop it. Any suspicions about it?'

Tony nodded. 'We don't know exactly what was in those shipments, but we know that it was chemical in nature.'

'How do you know that? Where have you gotten your intel about the shipments?'

Tony brought his hand to his head and scratched his nape. Oh, Steve knew that gesture. The first time he had seen that gesture, Tony had been saying his name was Henry Hellrung, aspiring actor, in a seedy New York bar.

'I've got sources.'

Apparently, Tony wasn't even going to allow Steve the dignity of an elaborate lie.

'Do you expect me to go raid a HYDRA base I know for a fact wasn't there two months ago on the word of your sources alone?'

'No, I was expecting that _my_ word would be enough.'

Steve crossed his arms and stared at Tony, silent.

'Oh, that's how we're playing this? Fury trusts my sources. If my word isn't enough, then his paranoid ass being all aboard this mission should count for something.'

Now Tony was looking aside and the first time he had seen _that_ gesture, Steve had been refusing to sleep with him, half naked and half hard in Tony's bed. 

_You didn't even give me your real name._

_Well, plenty of people come here for a taste of Tony Stark - I wanted you to come here for a taste of the real me._

_Oh, you feed those lines to anybody, don't you? I'm young, not stupid!_

He doubted Tony would chase after him this time around.

'I like knowing what I'm getting into,' he had said then and now he was saying it again.

'This is war, Captain, none of us know what we're getting into. And if you don't come along, me and my team will go alone.'

He took a further step towards Tony. 'Oh, got a team now? Tired of your solo act?'

'I've always had a team, and it's nice to have somebody around who trusts me and has my back.'

Their whispers were as loud as yells now and their faces were inches apart. Fury would be pleased if two of his top operatives were captured because of a lovers' spat during what was supposed to be a cloak and dagger operation.

'Yeah, it was nice to have that,' he said.

Tony  took a step back before speaking again. His frown deepened. 'They also brought prisoners.'

Damn. 'That's playing dirty.'

'Why do you think I insisted in bringing you along? Your charming personality?'

Steve couldn't help smiling at that. 'That, and my sparkling blue eyes.'

Tony laughed, a little bit, and it was like rain in the desert. 'Your All-American dimples are a sight for sore eyes, but no, it wasn't just that.' He was slumped against the tree again, all the fight gone. 'It's the strongest lead I've gotten. And if I know anything about HYDRA operations, is that chemicals and prisoners don't mix well, Cap. Please, I need you here.'

He nodded, curtly. He almost didn't want to do it, didn't want to be disappointed again, but he owed it to Bucky. 'When are we doing it? Tonight?

'No, tomorrow. We need to coordinate with my team first.'

Neither of them talked on the way to Tony's camp, not until they arrived at a secluded spot up in the hills, covered by trees. The moon was gone by now and he couldn't see the stars. Even with his enhanced senses, Steve failed to see anything. Then Tony disappeared in front of him. He took out his shield and got into a fighting stance.

'Tony?! Where are you?'

Tony's laughter rang across the grove. 'Door's open. Just keep walking, Captain.'

He did, but he kept his shield ready to strike. And then cursed under his breath - with just one step, he had entered a fancy sitting room that wouldn't have looked out of place back at Tony's apartment in New York. The walls might have been metal - it reminded Steve of a submarine -, but there was a familiar rug, a dark crimson sofa and even a vase with fresh flowers. Tony was already sitting on an armchair, with his legs crossed and his arms wide open. 'Welcome to the Triskelion, Captain.'

The door he had come in through closed down heavily. There was a hallway in the back of the room, leading towards darkness. Steve put down the shield. 'But... I - It wasn't here.'

'It was, it just has camouflage tech that I have no idea where Fury got, but I will find out because it's seriously and probably literally out of this world.'

Tony gestured at a settee Steve was pretty sure he had fallen asleep on once, copying the beautiful landscapes Tony hung in his walls. He sat down. 'And meanwhile I'm stuck in some tent filled with rats.'

'That's because you're a true salt-of-the-Earth type and I'm a hedonistic millionaire,' Tony said as he served them both whisky.

Steve took it, but didn't drink it.

'Did you have this? Six months ago?'

'I've had it for a year now. How do you think the Iron Man hits with such short notice? And I don't mind the extra comfort.'

'You didn't have comfort back at my camp.'

'But I had fun, which is almost as important.' Tony tilted his glass at him and then drank it in one gulp. Steve didn't need whisky for his chest to feel warm. 'My team is also here, but they're asleep right now. You'll meet them in the morning and we'll discuss the plan.'

'I'll stand guard, then. I'm not tired.'

'It's an invisible airship, we don't need a guard.'

'You always need a guard.'

'Then I'll do it. I'm the host after all. You sleep, Captain. It looks like you need it.'

He tried not to, but he fell asleep on the same settee. When he woke up, he didn't recognize the blanket that covered him, but he recognized the smell of coffee. He followed it through the hallway. There were three doors to each side of the hallway, leading to what he assumed were the crew's quarters. At the end of it, there was what looked like a very small kitchen. Three small bull's-eye windows let some light in and a metal staircase went down.

Five people were huddling around the table. That was the redhead the locals mentioned, he thought, and it was also likely Pepper Potts. She was wearing a men's shirt and pants and leaning over some maps laid out on the table. Her hair was short and there was a gun on her hip, nothing like he had imagined she looked like before. James Rhodes was sitting, reading some reports. He looked more tired, but much healthier, than the last time he had seen him. He assumed the old man unceremoniously serving the coffee was Jarvis , but he didn't know who the guy that looked like a boxer could be. Tony had never mentioned anybody like that before.

Tony was at the head of the table, freshly shaven but not looking refreshed. 

'Oh, you're awake. Slept well?' 

He looked around the room, nervous. These were people he had heard a lot of and now there were there, being real, and he had no idea how to react. _Play it cool, Rogers_. He shrugged. 'I've had better nights.'

'Next time you can use my bed,' Tony said smiling. He flinched and to his surprise, so did most of the room. '... and I can take the sofa, Captain.'

'I hope to be back with my team soon, Tony.'

'At least spend one night there before that. Your back will welcome it.'

He was sure Tony's bed was more comfortable than a bedroll, but without him in it, it held no real interest for Steve.

'Well, team, this is Captain America in all his glory. Cap, Rhodey you already know and Pepper Potts doesn't need to be introduced if you're a Marvels fan. Guy grunting at the coffee to make it taste better is Jarvis and the man leaning against the wall like he has a problem with you is Happy Hogan. Used to know him back in New York - a great driver with no sense of self-preservation.'

'Which makes him a perfect fit for you,' Steve said as he grabbed a chair and sat for breakfast.

Breakfast was respectful and relaxed, but it made him miss his own team and the rhythms of his own camp. And for all the luxuries Tony had, the food was still terrible. After finishing, Steve checked the plan with Tony and Pepper.

'It'll be just the two of us, Captain, because it's easier to get in and out unseen if there's less of us. We'll hike down from here - we can't risk the airship.'

'We've seen lots of activity over at the east walls of the monastery, so we assume that's where the entrance is,' Pepper said, pointing at the map.

'What are we looking for? A secret door?'

'Well, yes. Just let me handle it because I'm the expert here.'

'And if the door exists, then we'll find the laboratory.'

Tony nodded. 'We have no idea what they're planning and our goal is to sabotage it anyway, so we're carrying explosives to blow it up.'

'That's an elegant solution.'

'All my solutions are elegant.'

Steve almost started telling him about that one time when Tony's fame hadn't been enough to get them into some restaurant or other, so they had had to snuck through the back, but bit his tongue in time.

'I'm sure of it, Mr. Stark.'

Tony rolled his eyes and Steve didn't bite back his smile. Pepper tapped her fingers against the table, re-reading some intelligence reports about the number and type of HYDRA troops in the area. 

'I still think we should all go, Tony, there's too many of them,' Pepper said. It seemed like they had gone over this argument several times.

'This is not an assault, it's an infiltration mission. Besides, Rhodes is in no condition to do it, you have better things to do and Happy will be nearby with a vehicle to pick us up. It's all the backup we need.'

She stopped the tapping and stared Tony down. 'But what if you don't come back?'

'Then you blow up the monastery because I'd rather be dead than in the hands of HYDRA.'

Her lips tightened but she said nothing. Instead, they kept going over the maps, planning escape routes and going over the equipment. After an hour or two, Tony wandered off to his workshop. Pepper turned in the direction of the hallway, but Steve walked towards her and put his hand on her shoulder.

'I'll bring him back, Ms. Potts.'

'Thank you, Captain. There's more people waiting for him than he realizes, you know? Even back home.'

She sighed again and went to her room. Steve decided to explore the small airship since he had nothing to do. He went past the kitchen, towards the small workshop. There wasn't much there - a door to drop the armor, a few crates, some worktables and hanging from the ceiling, the armor. 

Tony was working on it. Steve loved watching him work. The sweat, the taut muscles... He would have to leave the place before Tony noticed him, panting after him like a dog in heat. He was turning back when Tony grabbed his arm.

'I wasn't kidding when I talked about my bed.'

Steve froze. Was Tony being that blatant? Was he that sure Captain America wouldn't turn him in? Or that sure he'd say yes?

'I'll be here tuning up the armor, so my room will be empty all afternoon. Please take it. You look like hell warmed over.'

He wasn't tired - or at least, he wasn't any more tired than usual - but Tony's offer had given him an idea.

'If you insist...'

'I do, yes. It's the second door to the right.'

He nodded and went back up to the kitchen. He had seen Pepper, Jarvis and Rhodes enter the rooms on the left side and Hogan's seemed to be the first one to the right, so that left two doors. He now knew which one was Tony's room, but he hoped that the other one could give him more information, because the rest of the airship was lacking in it. He had hoped the workshop would hold some clues, but there were just a few armor diagrams. He stood before the last door and tried the handle. It was locked, but he had enough strength to open it, anyway. Jarvis would be able to fix it, so he didn't feel too guilty about it.

It seemed to be a small study - there was a chair, a desk, a shelf, a pin board, another bull's-eye window. He stepped into the room after checking nobody had heard the noise he was making.

On the desk, there were several books about neurology and the human brain and many scattered notes. Some were clearly Tony's and talked about things Steve couldn't even begin to understand, but there were also letters from a Professor Hansen. On the pin board, he could see chemical formulas, some articles about a Doctor Samson, a few diagrams of the brain and the nervous system and then, almost covered by other things, another one of his sketches. He remembered that one - he had 'copied' a photo of Tony with the Invaders on the paper. Tony had answered in his next letter that he wasn't that pretty and that his Captain America looked terrible but Bucky was really accurate.

He looked away, embarrassed. And then he saw it, laying carelessly on the shelf among other books - a report on Rebirth and what he knew were Erskine's handwritten notes. Tony hadn't been involved - he had never been mentioned and he had never seen him around. How much did he know? Had Fury told him? Was it all a set-up? He was about to take the files when somebody coughed behind him.

'Captain, I hope this isn't what it looks like,' Hogan said.

He turned on his heels. 'I was looking for Tony's room.'

'It's the other door.' Hogan was pointing to it, so Steve left the room, with his eyes fixed on the floor and Hogan waited until he was inside Tony's room. 

'And tell Fury we know what he's doing,' Hogan said, before closing and locking the door.

Tony's room was small and only held a bed and a box with Tony's clothes and stuff. He resisted the temptation of rummaging through it. He could tell himself it was because whatever Tony was doing, it was dangerous and Fury didn't know about it, but it was just because he'd find nothing there. Tony had offered him a bed, so there'd be nothing incriminating in the room. 

He sat on the bed and put his head in his hands. Nothing made sense. The subterfuge, the lies, didn't square off with the man he knew, the man that had offered him a bed and covered him with a blanket. Why invite him? Was it just an interest in the serum flowing in his veins?

He took off his boots and laid on the bed. His heart jumped when he saw what Tony had put on the wall. A picture of Steve before Rebirth, the only one Steve had let him have - he looked stiff and awkward in it, but not as stiff and awkward as he looked in other pictures. Besides it, the first drawing Steve had ever given him. 

It had been a spur-of-the-moment thing, the third or fourth morning Steve had woken up covered by Tony's arms, his beard ticking his neck. Tony had, back home, a mirror next to his bed - the arrogant bastard - and they were reflected in it, Steve's slight frame and Tony's surprisingly bulky arms. He had taken the notebook Tony always kept on his night-table - for sudden inspiration - and done a quick sketch. _Something to remember me by_ he had written and then fled.

He curled up, feeling as if he had just swallowed a load of shrapnel. Steve could pretend that it was the soft pillow or an actual blanket, but the truth was that it was Tony's scent that lulled him to sleep. 'Powder, grease and whisky' was the way most mechanics smelled during war, sure, but he still had missed it.


	3. The thrill of your kiss

A strong, steady knocking on the door woke Steve up. He opened his eyes and curled on himself, jolted away from what had been pleasant dreams.

 _Tony's arms around his waist. Tony's fingers digging into his hips. The morning sun and the feeling of the sheets riding down his legs._ He shook his head and sat on the bed, rubbing his face. It was dark already and the airship's corners were bathed in fluttering electrical light. He drew down the cowl, before standing up.

His boots had to be around there somewhere, but when he felt the cold metal floor hit his foot, he realized one of his socks was missing. He started patting the bed, cursing under his breath. The knocking started again.

'I'm ready,' he said, finding his sock twisted in the sheets. Had he moved that much?

'Well, you should be. It's almost time,' Tony said as he opened the door. 

He had already changed and there was no trace of the charismatic playboy he could be. He was wearing the same clothes he always did for missions - dark pants, the leather jacket and combat boots. His face had grease smears and Steve assumed he had been working on the armor until a few minutes ago.

Tony was looking at him from top to bottom. 'Being barefoot is not being ready, Captain.'

'I'm sorry. I overslept.' He had finally seen his boots, tucked under the bed, so he turned his back on Tony and bent over to pick them. 'I... you were right. Your bed was really comfortable.'

He started putting his boots on, waiting for Tony to leave but didn't hear it. He looked over his shoulder and saw Tony's eyes fixed on his photograph. They were soft and a small smile was on his lips.

He blushed and went to staring at his shoes. His boots were ready, now, so all that was left to do was make the bed.

'You don't have to do that, Captain.'

'Least I can do after all your hospitality, Tony.'

'There's really no need but if you insist... We'll have a light dinner before leaving. I'll wait for you in the kitchen.'

He heard Tony's steps leave the room. It didn't take long for Tony's bed to look perfect - the perks of basic training. After doing one last check of his uniform, he left for the kitchen, admiring how quiet everything was. Some people were sleeping and the airship was moving across the clouds, surrounded by the calm night sky. Steve hadn't even felt it take off. Was he that tired?

He smelled dinner before even hitting the kitchen. It was spicy and heavy - some kind of stew, he thought. He entered the kitchen and Tony was already there, eating and talking to Pepper.

'Check the other channel too. We need to get the decryption done soon.'

She elbowed him and Tony turned to smile at Steve. 'Stew's on the pot. You're gonna like it. Recipe we picked up back in India when...'

Pepper elbowed him again. 'And he can read that in the next issue of Marvels. So then I will do that with the second channel and try to figure out their next move.'

'And you'll tell me what you've found out when Cap and I get back, alright?

She nodded. 'I will if you remember the rendezvous point this, sure.'

'Of course I will, Pep.' Tony grinned at her. 'The rendezvous point is where the airship is.'

He smiled at his stew and then glanced at Tony. 'Have you ever forgotten where you've parked it, Stark?'

Tony made a point of looking at him as he rolled his eyes. 'Never. I can sense it. We're connected.'

'At least three times,' Pepper piped in, with an irrepressible smile on her lips. 'That's why we stay behind, so he can find it again.'

It took them fifteen minutes to arrive to the general area where they were going to drop. Steve checked he had all his equipment - map, compass, his shield, the explosives and a flashlight while Tony was busy fiddling with a parachute. Steve looked down. It wasn't really that high.

'The parachutes are... Cap, what are you doing?'

'I don't need a parachute,' he said, not looking at Tony.

'Wait, what? Are you insane?'

He shrugged. 'Maybe. Race you to the bottom, Stark,' he said and then he jumped.

The night air was cold against him. For a second, he felt invincible, trapped in an eternal second, before he had to twist around and land. It had been a while since he had an aerial mission. He landed in a crouch, without twisting his ankle like that one time near Köln. That would have been embarrassing.

The grass was dewy and even if he needed to catch his breath, figuring out where they were was a priority. Compass and map had survived the fall so it didn't take him that long. If his calculations were correct, the monastery was a few hundred feet to the east. He looked in that direction - a gentle slope and not too many trees. It would be an easy walk.

After hearing a thud and a curse, he followed the sounds to find Tony untangling himself from the parachute. He took out a knife and walked towards him. Tony was looking at him, arms crossed.

'Do you do that often?'

Steve made a pause before answering.

'Whenever I get an airship.'

His knife was cutting through the lines like butter but Tony was still frowning.

'Next time, wait until I have the armor so I can catch you if you do something stupid,' Tony said, freeing himself from the lines.

'It's a calculated risk, Tony.'

'Your calculations are really off, then.'

'It's worked out so far.'

'But what are you going to do the day they don't?'

He turned his back towards Tony and started walking towards what he believed was the monastery.

'I'll deal with it.'

He could hear Tony's steps following him, 'It's war. What happens the day you risk too much for too little?'

I lose Bucky, that's what happens. 'Like I said, I deal with it.'

The forest was sparse enough that some moonlight filtered through the trees, so they could walk through it without turning on their flashlights. Steve walked in the front and Tony followed. He'd jump over logs and duck under branches and then Tony'd imitate him, without even being able to see the obstacles. They were now, thankfully, only a few minutes away from the monastery. Steve remembered it - a low, long shape resting amidst the trees, perched upon the hills. Most of the roof had caved in and there was little left of the walls. But one could tell it had been once a superb building, an austere place of worship.

There was no movement, no suspicious people loitering around and Steve wondered if Tony was wrong. But there was no time for doubts, so they moved quickly. Steve was searching for abnormalities on the stone floor, while Tony looked at the walls.

Tony had stopped, his flashlight pointed to a line of statues - saints, Steve thought - lined against one of the walls.

'Stark? What are you doing?'

'Something doesn't fit here.'

Steve looked at the statues. They were stern and covered in lichen. Some had lost their heads, others had lost a hand or two. Their eyes were turned to the sky, in silent, eternal prayer.

If his guess was right, they were a very good example of Late Gothic - he had never thought he'd get to see originals up close, back home -. Tony's flashlight played with the harsh lines, creating harsher shadows... except in one of them. Steve frowned. That looked like a very classic example of Renaissance sculpture - more idealized, less stylized than the other ones. There were no ghost-like features, just exquisite representation of reality. It looked more than a bit anachronistic. They looked at each other and nodded.

'Move it,' Tony said.

As Steve pushed it against the wall, a steel trapdoor appeared under its base.

Steve lifted it. 'After you, Stark.'

'Oh, no need to be such a gentleman,' Tony said, jumping through the trapdoor.

Steve waited for a few seconds before Tony's voice came through, loud and crisp.

'It's clear!'

Steve dropped in after him. It was a tunnel, with a few electric lights and no guards. Walls were made out of concrete and so was the floor, so it was a new construction.

'I might be paranoid, but this really feels like a trap,' Tony said.

Steve agreed. It had been too easy. 

'We can always turn back.'

Tony took out his gun. 'Or we can turn it back on them.'

There were only two of them and who knew how many HYDRA horrors awaiting them at the end of the tunnel. And all they had was a gun and as shield.

'You know my answer to that.'

Tony nodded once and started walking through the tunnel. They kept their pace slow and their bodies close to the walls of the tunnel, because Steve heard faint footsteps and voices coming from the end of it. He walked in front, shield at the ready. The overheard conversation was starting to be clearer - two soldiers, talking about their mission -. One of them made a joke, the other laughed.

Steve would never get why people joined HYDRA, but at the same time, it made it easy to fight them, knowing they had made a choice. With a quick swing he sent the shield ricocheting off a wall and soon enough, the two guards were asleep in a heap. Tony kicked them softly.

'Well, I'd say we should get them off their clothes but that's a little bit too much for a first date,' he said.

'You take HYDRA guards on dates often?'

'Of course. Best honeypot in the business.'

Tony threw him a flirty look and Steve felt his cheeks flush.

'Don't need to sweeten me up. I know you have somebody.'

Tony's expression softened. 'I do. What about you? I remember there was a soldier...'

He shrugged. 'Went nowhere.'

'That's too bad. War is more bearable with a kiss or two.'

Steve looked aside. 'Maybe we should take their uniforms.'

'Oh, you mean spring a trap inside the trap?'

He nodded. 'It'd give us some time, in case we run into some guards, but they might recognize us.'

'Well, if they can't recognize us by now, that means we're not doing our jobs well,' Tony said, kneeling next to the guards. They didn't take the whole uniforms - that would have been awkward -, but with the jackets, the masks and their dark pants, it was enough to fool somebody at a distance. All they had to do is look stern and fascist and the look was completed.

Tony took their radios as well and threw one of them at Steve. 'We'll know if they're getting close.'

They continued exploring, and Steve couldn't help but imagine they were entering the entrails of a beast, all twists and corners.

Even if there was an intricate network of hallways, there were very few doors. The ones that weren't rusted opened to empty warehouses, filled only with dust. It seemed like the base had seen better days.

Tony led the way, somehow sure of where they were going. All Steve could tell is that they were going down, deep into the hills.

Steve stopped.

'Any intel you'd like to share, Tony?'

'It's my gut and my years of experience in labyrinths.'

Steve grabbed his arm and made him turn.

'Tony.'

Tony looked aside. 'My source knew where the lab was.'

'Who's your source? Why do you trust them?

'You'll know soon enough who they are - but I don't trust them and neither should you.'

'You're leading me into a trap.'

Tony put his hand over his. 'Yes, I am, because I know you can handle it. I wouldn't trust anybody else with this mission.'

Steve nodded and let go of Tony's arm. Even if it was just because of his shield and his strength, Steve was glad to have Tony's trust.

'I won't... I'll make sure you get out this one.'

'That we get out of this one, Tony.'

Tony shrugged.

They kept walking until they got to a strong, heavy iron door. Steve had no idea about how they could open it, but Tony pushed it and the door slid open. The concrete walls made it clear this was a new construction, unrelated to the monastery. The ceilings in the room were higher than in the hallways and the lighting was harsh and unforgiving. The lights pointed directly at a big metal table. Steve's stomach turned, because he was sure a brain or what remained of it was laying on top of it. A mix of glassware full of garish chemicals, blood-splattered notes and books with torn pages littered the tables around it. Schemes, scribbles and blueprints covered the walls. There were several plants, growing tall against the farthest wall, framing what looked like an elevator.

A dark haired woman was pruning them, her back turned towards them. She turned around and cleaned her hands on her lab coat, leaving a bloody trail. When she looked up, recognition gleamed in her eyes.

'Hello, Mr Stark,' she said and strolled towards them.

'Professor Hansen,' Tony said. He looked at ease, but Steve could see his hand was hovering over the gun he had at his hip. 'Long time no see.'

She only seemed to notice Steve once he stepped out of the shadows, hovering behind Tony. Her smile widened. 'I'm glad you brought him. He's essential to this. With him on our side, there's no way our plans will fail.'

Steve put the shield between him and the woman. Tony kept smiling at her and took a few steps towards her.

His hand gripped the shield's handle even harder. His knuckles were going white.

'We have no time to lose. So where do we start? Just go straight to the dissection table?'

Tony was digging through the notes spread around and taking down blueprints. He glanced at them, threw some on the floor and put others in his pocket, muttering things like 'useless', 'insane', 'smart' under his breath. She was going towards one of the tables, too. He figured the device laying on it - black, compact, glossy - was a radio. Her fingers grazed it.

'We can leave that for last. What about your notes? Or a sample? Has there been any new developments?' Tony said, moving to her side.

'The Formula has been changed. It's more efficient now. No side effects.'

'What do you mean 'side effects'? The entire thing is wretched.'

She turned towards Tony and put her hand against his cheek. Steve readied the shield. 'The previous formula was inefficient. There is no need to override the individual because loyalty to a higher cause and ambition are not competing impulses, Tony.'

Tony's face was ashen and his hand was hovering over hers, but he took a step behind. 'Oh, Maya, no.'

'This is not like what happened to your father,' she said, grabbing his shoulders. 'You see, Tony, when I started with this, I was so hopeful. I thought I had the key. But I've seen so much more now.'

'It's the formula, Maya. It's wrecking your brain!'

She let go of Tony's shoulders. Her chest was heaving.

'Wrecking my brain? I know so much about wrecked brains, about our soldiers huddling back from the front, broken, staring at the distance. Our treatments worked, at first. But then our patients would slowly unravel, losing themselves in living nightmares, nightmares they all shared.'

A traitor, then. Somebody from their science divisions, maybe, working with shellshocked veterans. Somebody, Steve thought, who had once had good intentions.

'It was a noble goal. You would have figured it out eventually.'

'It was a noble failure. I was lost, when Fury asked me to do this. At first, I believed in him, I believed in our plan, but then... I realized.' She took a triumphal step back, pointing at the lab. 'HYDRA had unlocked the mysteries of the mind.'

'HYDRA only knows how to destroy people.'

Steve took a step towards them. Tony, even while trying to talk down Hansen, kept grabbing notes and samples.

'You don't understand yet, Tony. I've solved it, all the problems that used to keep me up at night. Once I saw what HYDRA could do, what they were offering the world, how could I refuse?'

'They're offering nothing. Just fear and control.'

'No, it's tranquility and justice. Freedom.'

Steve snorted. 'You'll never win.'

'Oh, really? It is true we haven't been victorious in the past, but that's going to change. I'm going to change that.'

'You've always been too arrogant,' Tony said. He was staring at what looked like a control panel. He glanced at Steve and Steve nodded. Hansen kept talking, hovering over the dissection table.

'I learnt humility when I realized we needed people who could carry our work without suffering, without caring. People who wouldn't question orders, who would be willing to sacrifice everything. What HYDRA needed wasn't yet another smart, arrogant man of science - what it needed was a soldier.'

When she said that, Steve heard footsteps. Was she calling the guards? He looked around, but there was nobody around.

'What you needed was slaves,' he said. Hansen's eyes went to him.

'No, not slaves. There will always be war. There will always be soldiers that never come back. Even you, Captain, will never go back home. You will carry the grime and the blood and the screams with you. But what if it could stop? If you could cut away the pain?'

He shrugged. 'I don't care about the pain. I can handle it. I'd rather be my own man.'

'Tony doesn't agree with you, don't, you, Tony? Wouldn't you rather forget?'

Tony was already near her, pointing his gun at her. 'It might be pain, but it's mine. Please come with me, Maya.'

'Oh, Tony. You've always been too soft.' She turned towards Steve again. 'Imagine that, Captain. No doubts, no past, no memories keeping us at night. Just purpose. Wouldn't it be better than this? Than your soul being tarnished by trenches and firebombing?'

'With all due respect, lady, you sound insane,' he said and swung the shield towards her. It'd be quick after that - Tony would explode the base, they'd leave and that'd be it. The shield crossed the air, sure of its way. And then somebody caught it.

The moment he saw the silhouette, the mop of wild black hair, he froze. There was only coldness in those eyes and the smile looked like it had been carved in but the face was unmistakable. He had spent months searching for that face among the crowds, among the piles of dead bodies.

'Bucky, is that you?'

There was no answer. 

'He won't answer, Captain. Behold HYDRA's future,' Hansen said, staring at Bucky with a glassy look that didn't look any more alive than Bucky's. Bucky was holding a gun, pointed at them. His uniform was black and glossy, with HYDRA's emblem on his chest. 'Soldier, shoot them if they move. Don't kill the Captain.'

Hansen's words reverberated in Steve's head. A soldier, with no emotions. Was that possible? But why pick Bucky? Why stage a trap to catch him? They had wanted him, all along. A Super Soldier they could control. And they had lured Tony away, because Tony knew HYDRA better than anybody. 

Steve took a step forward, but Tony grabbed his arms. 'That's not him anymore. He will shoot if you move.'

'What she said, about your father. Was it true?'

'HYDRA took him. Changed him. Turned him into Zemo. There was nothing to be done.'

Hansen was now next to the elevator. 'HYDRA improved him. Gave him purpose. You were the one that killed him.'

Tony's hand dug into Steve's arm. His whole body was taut, as if he was getting ready to throttle Hansen. 'HYDRA killed my father first. I only destroyed his husk.'

'Whatever lets you sleep at night, Tony,' she said, before turning towards the elevator.

Steve removed Tony's hand from his arm. 'It won't be the same this time, now.'

The elevator door opened and Hansen stepped inside. 'I will ask one last time, for old times' sake. Will you join us, Tony?'

Tony took out his gun. 'Never,' he said.

It all happened fast afterwards. Bucky sent the shield flying to him and he caught it, but it was a distraction. He saw a glimpse of the gun in Bucky's hand. He didn't have to think - before he knew it, he was pushing Tony away. Tony fell with a hard thud and a searing sensation hit him on the left side. It wasn't pain he hadn't felt before and he'd feel it again before the war was over. He doubled over on top of Tony and then he heard the second shot. Behind him, Bucky groaned. Powder and heat were coming from Tony's hand.

A siren howled into the night, making Steve's ears ring. He twisted around, the blood seeping into the leather of his suit, and sent the shield flying towards Hansen again, but the door had already closed. Steve could hear her voice, screaming at Bucky to finish his mission. Despite the pain, Steve put the shield in front of Tony and him, preparing for the battle, but instead of facing him, Bucky ran into the hallway. The mission, then, was something else. Something even more important than capturing Captain America or killing Tony Stark. A chill went down his spine.

He took a step forward, and then felt Tony's hand on his shoulder. It was warmth, even through the chainmail. 'Captain, are you...' He turned around. Tony's face was serious and the gun was still in his hand. 'You're not alright. Let me finish this. Wait for me outside with Happy.'

'Do you think I'm stupid, Tony? I promised... I promised Ms. Potts that I'd bring you back. I won't let you blow yourself up with this lab. And I sure as hell won't let you blow Bucky up.'

Tony recoiled away from him. 'That wasn't... It wasn't my plan.'

He looked over his shoulder, towards where Bucky had gone, and said nothing. 

'Let me see that wound, at least.'

Steve covered it with his hand. 'It'll heal.'

'It would have healed just as well if it hit me too, so that's not the point.'

'You know about Rebirth, so you know that's a lie.'

Tony smiled ruefully. 'Oh, you did look around the study. I will explain, later.' He put his hand over Steve's wound. 'Look, you know I... I need to find Maya. And destroy this lab. I don't think you'll listen to me if I tell you to leave.'

Steve's hand was covered in blood now but all he could think about was the warmth of Tony's hand, the calloused fingers. He tried to shrug, but it hurt to even try. 'You know what I need to do.'

'I know. I will explain everything, if we make it.'

Steve's other hand was now covering Tony's and Tony's fingers curled around it. 'We will make it, Tony. I know it.'

'Maybe we won't,' he said and kissed him. It wasn't a long kiss - just Tony's mouth crashing into his and Tony's fingers digging into his biceps. Tony had never kissed him like that. He had always kissed him like you kiss something precious, something breakable. He used to take his time - but they didn't have time now, so he dragged Tony closer and deepened it. Low, in the back of his mind, anger rumbled.

After what felt like forever and not nearly enough, Tony took a step away. 'It... I just thought it'd be sad, if you didn't even get a kiss or two.'

Steve couldn't quite reply, because all he could think about was a poor starving artist in New York that didn't know the love of his life had just betrayed him. He shook his head. That was for later, he thought. Now, what he had to do was find Bucky. He had to focus on that and not on Tony's hands still on his arms.

'You okay, Cap?'

Cap. Tony didn't even know his name and yet he had kissed him. Was he that... easy with his love? It was true that he had slept with Steve the first time they've met, but that was because there had always been something electrical between them, not because... It had been special, right? 'I'm not the one you're supposed to be kissing.'

Tony's hand let go of his arms and they went to the pocket of his leather jacket. 'That one is true, but he's not exactly here, is he?'

His hands turned into fists. 'That doesn't change anything.'

Tony started walking towards the elevator, his shoulders hunched. 'I guess it doesn't... but you deserve to be kissed every once in a while, even if it's just for luck.' The elevator doors opened and Tony stepped in. 'And we need all the luck we can get.'

Right. There was a mission that was far more important than any affair. 'We'll meet outside, then?'

The doors were now closing and but Steve managed to hear the last words Tony said. 'Sure thing, soldier.'

He turned his back and searched the floor. It was there, unmistakable - a trail of fresh blood and then Bucky's footprints. How much damage had Tony done? At least it made Steve's job easier. He wasn't going to let him down. He would save him, no matter what. What they had done had to be reversible. Tony would figure out. He remembered the diagrams in the study, the cryptic notes. Maybe that was it - maybe Tony was trying to save Bucky, the way he couldn't save his father.

It was a nice dream, at least. The siren flooded the hallways and so did the screams of the guards scrambling around, escaping. Whatever Tony had done with that control panel, it had worked. Some of the guards were better trained than others and remained calm, but there was enough panic nobody noticed him. Just a normal HYDRA guard, dragging himself against the wall, with a white, red and blue shield. Sometimes Steve couldn't believe how stupid HYDRA got. 

He was one to talk, huddling deeper and deeper into the base on a hope and a prayer.

Bucky's trail led him to a metal staircase, tucked away on a forgotten corner. There were no guards there, not even crates. Just a a twisty dark staircase going up. He had to grab the rails to drag himself up and each step he took, his vision blurred a little bit more. At least the pain was a distant numbness by now and the bleeding had stopped. 

He had to reach Bucky. He had to stop whatever he was supposed to do - something that was even more important than killing Tony Stark or capturing Captain America. He breathed deeply and tried to think about anything else. Tony at camp, drinking coffee and cheating at cards. Tony getting out of the armor, bruised and singed but with a big, glaring smirk. Tony kissing him, with no HYDRA goons or evil experiments in the background. He imagined Tony's lips against his neck, he imagined that they were home and nothing bad had ever happened.

He was glad when the staircase stopped and he let himself slide down to the floor. It scratched his knees and the itching reminded himself this wasn't the end of the road. He pushed himself up. The staircase had led him towards what looked like a tunnel, leading out the base. The cold mountain air woke Steve up. He tried to focus - a blur he could tell was Bucky was running up ahead, but when he tried to follow, a heavy metal door fell down with a thud. 

Steve laid against it, and then examined it. It was sturdy, but not sturdier than his shield. He took another deep breath, reminded himself he was Captain America and was going to get the job done, and brought the shield against the door. He brought it down over and over again. Metal against metal, the sounds of it hidden by the panic. It wasn't long before there was a crack big enough he could put the shield inside and use it as a lever. The door creaked and then there was enough space for Steve to squirm through. His uniform got torn, but he was still in one piece.

He dragged himself across the tunnel and then, he was surprised to see the stars. He had expected the grey metallic roof of a hangar, but it was instead an open, rocky cliff overlooking the valley. The wind rocked the two or three airships waiting for their crews. It was silent - no guards going to secure or even escape in the airships. Only a dark figure was in the field. Steve broke into a run and his entire body screamed - or maybe it had been him, he didn't know anymore. The pain was blinding but he couldn't stop. He had no choice but to go on, to stop Bucky from leaving. His bones creaked and the wound on his side was bleeding again. He wanted to vomit. He wanted to stop.

With one last effort he jumped behind Bucky. Bucky turned around with a punch, efficient and silent. It was easy to stop it - Steve had taught him that move - and try to trip him. They fell, entangled. He couldn't think - punch. Kick. Bite. Pain. Pain Pain. Bucky's hands against his chest. A push. He rolled and stopped, lunged towards Bucky. Bucky sidestepped him. He didn't seem to be in pain. He didn't seem to be there.

'Bucky! Please! It's me!'

Another kick. Easy to block, but Bucky took the opportunity to punch him and that one connected. His ears were ringing and now his jaw throbbed. He fell and hit the rocky soil. His hand grabbed Bucky's ankle and brought him down again. Bucky kicked his face and it was too much. Everything went black for a few seconds. When it came back, Bucky was no longer there.

Steve stood up and surveyed the field. Bucky was now climbing an airship with all the agility he was known for and no visible pain. If he left, who knew what he'd do? Would he carry out his mission, whatever that was? Would they ever be able to track him down again? Steve reached for his shield.

'I don't want to hurt you,' he muttered. He sent the shield flying away but it was too late. It hit the airship when Bucky was already inside. He tried to move, but he couldn't. Why was he so weak? He could see Bucky, inside, operating the controls with unerring accuracy. The airship looked like a sleeping bat and Steve wasn't even surprised when it spread its wings and fled, far away from his reach.

By the time he had dragged himself there, the shadow of the airship was barely visible. He fell to his knees. He'd failed. He had almost gotten Bucky and he had lost him, again. He gripped the shield and took the radio.

'Stark?'

There was no answer. Was he even alive? Had he lost Tony too? He looked back to where he had come from. The door had fallen shut again and he had no energy to open it again. There was no way but down. He grabbed his side, willing his insides to stay inside him, and kept muddling along towards the edge of the cliff. And then, the ground rumbled below him and the sound of an explosion soon followed. He could even hear the panicked screams of the guards still inside. The underground tunnels were collapsing, he thought, and it wouldn't be long before the cliff collapsed too. He gritted his teeth. It was only a few more feet to the edge. It seemed like forever, but now it was below him - the valley, the fall.

The radio was now blinking, an insistent red light. 'Captain? Captain, please.'

Tony's voice was clear and he didn't sound hurt. The pain subsided a little and he could see better, his vision getting less blurry. 'Stark? Are you alive?'

There was a short laughter. 'No, I'm a ghost who just blew the base up. Where are you?'

'It's their airfield. Up in the mountains. I'm on a cliff. Bucky's gone. You have to stop him.'

'I'll be there in a minute. Please wait there. Trust me.'

'I can't move and I'll always trust you,' he said. It was the truth. Tony would save Bucky, he knew it.

The floor was shaking harder and harder and he could see how it was crumbling, leaving just vast darkness. He closed his eyes. It'd be fast and maybe the serum would make him survive. He had survived worse - scarlet fever and pneumonia, hunger and cold.

'Hey, Tony? Thank you for the kiss.' 

He rolled to the edge and let himself fall. He had failed in his promise to Pepper. He had failed to protect Bucky. All he could hope for was a swift exit. The night air hit his body and all he could hear was the cliff falling behind him. At least the base was destroyed.

And then, he hit something harsh and cold that wasn't the valley. He opened his eyes. Strong metal arms were surrounding him and the Iron Man faceplate was looking at him. 'See? Told you you were going to miscalculate one day,' Tony said and that's when Steve just had to laugh.

 

They had flown, he knew, but at some point the blood loss and the adrenaline wearing off had made him fall asleep. He couldn't see anything and lights danced behind his eyelids. They felt like lead and it hurt to even think about opening his eyes to the light. A low ceaseless thrumming was lulling him back to sleep but then something stung stung stung. The whole right side of his body stung. He batted his hand, trying to make it stop. It connected with something - or maybe somebody if their warm softness was to be believed. He curled his hand around them.

'I know you're super strong, you don't have to prove it.' Tony's voice wavered between amusement and threat.

He opened his eyes and looked down at his body. It was dark, but he could see Tony's hand pressing a rag against Steve's side. The wound, that's what was stinging. Steve's hand was curled around Tony's wrist.

'Uhm, hi.'

Tony winked at him. 'Hello, Sleeping Beauty. I'm dressing your wound... don't want to find out how good the serum is against sepsis.'

He let go and closed his eyes again. His head was resting against something cool and hard. Metal, maybe.

'It barely grazed me,' he said. His mouth was dry and it was difficult to think and even harder to talk. All he wanted to do was sleep.

'Grazed you? It almost went through.'

He shrugged and the movement made him yelp. It hurt, damn it. Why didn't the serum help with the hurt? It made him heal faster, but it always hurt so much. He opened his eyes again. He had to figure out where they were. There was movement and he was sitting somewhere soft. A car, then. He could see Happy's back in front of them. And he could see he had bled all over the seat.

'I'm sorry. I know it's rude to bleed out on people's things.'

'Nothing I haven't done a thousand times. You can pay me back when we're home.'

He shivered, feeling something cold and metallic against his back. Oh, he wasn't wearing his shirt. Tony didn't seem to be surprised, so he probably had taken it off himself. Scraps of memories swirled around Steve's mind - Bucky. The airship. Hansen.

'How did the mission go?'

'Stop talking,' Tony's fingers brushed his cheek. He shivered again. 'The lab's a smoking ruin. We didn't see many survivors and only one airship made it out of there. We're following it.'

At least Bucky was alive, he thought, and they had intel. Not everything was lost. 'What do you know? Where are we going?'

'Seriously, shut up.' Tony's hand pressed him down against the seat. 'Why are you so bad at keeping still?'

He hoped his glare was impressive. It had taken a lot of effort.

'Alright, alright. After you took off, I tried to find Maya, but I couldn't find her.'

Right, Hansen. Scientist, creepy and awfully familiar with Tony. 'Is she alive?'

'I hope she's not. But that's not the biggest of our problems - remember she talked about HYDRA's new purpose? About war following you home?'

He nodded - even through the fog of the pain, her words rang clear in his mind. She had seemed almost sad, for somebody who thought they were about to win.

'I managed to get her notes. Between them and some... helpful guards, I figured out their plan.'

'I knew you would,' he blurted out.

Tony leaned back a little, surprised. 'Hm, thanks.' There was a pause and then Tony shook his head. 'There's an airship that has enough fuel autonomy to reach New York. And enough bombs to bomb every major city on its way and still make sure we have no home to return to.' He tried to stand up but Tony pressed him down. Again. 'There's no need to pout, I will let you punch people but please rest right now, you idiot.'

He put his hand on Tony's shoulder. 'We can't let that happen.'

Tony's forehead was against his now. 'We won't let that happen.'

He thought of the city. The streets, the yelling, the noise. It felt like a movie he had forgotten, everything except Tony's laugh in the rain or their hands intertwined in the dark of some alley. 'There's... there's people you care about there,' he said. 

Tony flinched. 'There's people I care about here too, so sleep now. I'll tell you when the airship has landed.'

'I want to help.'

'You will help, when you're not a bloody mess. You're tired and stupid right now, Cap. I need you alert.'

That made... Well, that made a lot of sense. He couldn't punch people when he wasn't at his best. Steve closed his eyes and let the darkness engulf him.


	4. The train to be caught

When he woke up, he was lounging on top of Tony. At least he had his shirt on again and he was really warm, but it was still... strange. He moved away, a little.

Tony was awake and smiling at him. 'Sorry, couldn't move you.'

Tony's shirt was bloodied, now. He could even see the wet spot his drool had left. This was embarrassing.

'You should have,' he said, looking outside the window. He could see they were now away from the mountains and it was almost dawn.

'I tried to. You're too heavy and wouldn't wake up.'

He blushed but resolutely stared at Tony. 'When the serum's working, it makes me sleepy.'

Tony's smile was a full laugh now. 'Do you realize you're pouting?'

His eyes went back to the window, and he crossed his arms. The wound wasn't bothering him anymore. 'How far are we?'

'Not too far. Pepper radioed - they said the airship landed a few miles from here, at a small harbor village. It seems to be empty, but we know better.'

So Tony had contacted Pepper and his team. That was smart, he thought. He wished he could contact the Invaders. They were like a phantom limb. 'How far are they?'

'Closer than us and waiting for the signal to extract us once we're done.'

Steve rearranged the pieces of intel they had and what he knew about HYDRA in his mind. 'If the plan involves an airship, they must have an hangar. And if it has enough fuel to reach New York, it has to be a big one.'

'Pep did some recon. The village has nothing of the sort, because it's fishermen's cottages and old houses, but there's an empty castle down the coast.'

He groaned. HYDRA really loved their sense of the dramatic. They never used just a normal warehouse or an abandoned factory. No, it had to be old monasteries and creepy churches and a dilapidated mill that one time.

'I know. HYDRA needs to stop making us blow up historical buildings,' Tony said.

He smiled despite himself. 'All that priceless art, gone forever. It is a pity.'

'Sure, let's think about the art and not the HYDRA guards.'

'HYDRA guards chose it. The statues did not.'

Tony was leaning back against the seat. Steve hoped he had slept as well, but it wasn't like the lack of sleep made him any less handsome. The indolent pose, the blue eyes reflecting the morning sun, the windswept hair... it looked like an illustration out of Marvels. As if they weren't risking their lives every day, as if it was just a fun adventure story with no bigger consequences than a dashing scar.

Tony closed his eyes. He probably was as tired as Steve was and he had stayed awake, taking care of him. 'Sometimes I wish I was as sure as you are of what the right thing to do is.'

He sounded sincere and he had never heard that admiring tone before. Steve could tell he was blushing. 'Well, I'm not a thinker like you are.'

Tony's eyes snapped open and he glared at Steve. 'Don't sell yourself short. You're a man of many talents.'

'Yep. I can punch, kick and sometimes even headbutt.'

Tony laughed. 'I'm sure there's more to you than that.'

Steve squirmed in his seat. There was, he thought, and you used to know that. 'I'm not.'

And here was Tony, doing the leaning in thing again. Steve shivered, not for the first time that day. 

'This war is going to end at some point. You'll get to do other things, things that aren't fighting.'

'I've always been fighting.' Since he was little, he thought. Fighting bullies and his own body alike. 'I don't think I know how to stop.'

'Well, you'll have to figure it out, like the rest of us.' Tony put his hand on Steve's shoulder. 'There might be more waiting for you than you realize.'

'There's nothing waiting for me I don't already have,' he said. And that was it. All he had were memories and a bunch of old letters and none of it would be waiting for him back home.

Tony remained silent, as if he was waiting for more. He used to do that in New York, give Steve time to explain how he was feeling, to give form to his thoughts. And then push again, ask again, making Steve angry and vulnerable. But he wouldn't know how to push Captain America, right? So Tony remained silent and Steve said nothing.

It wasn't long before they arrived at the town. It was almost empty - the few houses that weren't abandoned had shuttered their doors and their windows. They weren't welcomed there. In the distance, the profile of the castle stood stark against the sea and the sky. It was small and not impressive at all. Steve wouldn't feel bad about blowing it up.

Tony was already putting on his jacket and checking his gun. 'I don't have much fuel left in the armor, so we'll have to get close with the car. No sense in wasting it.'

'How much fuel do you have?'

'For about 45 minutes of flight, give or take. It should be enough.' He pointed to the castle. 'We'll land on the roof. Work our way down. Keep the element of surprise. Is that alright by you, Captain?'

'We get Bucky, stop the plane and then leave on the airship. Sounds easy.'

'Yes. Just another day at the office.'

The car - or something like that, Steve could tell now it was armored and had caterpillar wheels - climbed towards the castle, steadily. It stopped and Happy nodded. 'You should suit up now, gentlemen.'

Steve was quick - the chainmail, the jacket on top of it, shield holster and the shield. Nothing he hadn't done a thousand times. Based on Steve's experience, Tony would need more time.

They got out of the car. Happy was already unloading the armor. When it was in pieces, it didn't seem as impressive. Steve had watched the assembly process a dozen times and it still eluded him. When it was all laid on the ground, Tony started suiting up. It was always a pleasure to see it and how efficient Tony was. Each movement had a function and he had it down to a science. A fluid, sensual science, if Steve had to define it.

Maybe that was why he had never understood the process.

Minutes went by and then Iron Man stood there, tall, proud and ready to rumble.

'Need a ride, Captain?'

'Thought you'd never ask, Iron Man,' Steve said, walking towards the armor.

Tony's arm put his arm around his waist and soon enough they were in the sky. It wasn't a long trip - a few minutes in and they were already above the castle's courtyard. A few guards were patrolling it, but there weren't many of them. Maybe they were swarming around the plane or maybe Hansen's plan wasn't that important, in the grand scheme of things.

'This is my stop, Iron Man, let me go,' he said.

'I'm not crazy.'

'You've got to trust me, Tony. I can land safely.'

Steve could hear Tony's sigh clear, even through the metal. 'I think you're crazy, but I’ll trust you. Always,' Tony said and let him go.

Steve twisted in the air and landed, with a kick, on top a HYDRA guard. He jumped up and smiled at the rest of the guards.

'Hi, fellas. Long time no see.'

They didn't waste any time lunging at him, all at once. They were no match for him. He was faster, even hurt, and stronger. His shield took out a few, his fists the rest, but one of them managed to sneak out to sound the alarm. He could see new squadrons joining the fight and for a second he was worried, but then the heavy sound of Tony landing was heard. All that came after were gunfire and screams.

He ran to Tony, downing a few more guards in the process. 'Everything fine, Iron Man?', he said, hitting a mook with his shield. The man fell to the ground, unconscious.

Tony nodded, grabbing a HYDRA guard by the neck and throwing him against a few others. 'I wonder what HYDRA thinks of Maya. They keep giving her the worst bases.'

Steve looked around - there was a hole in one of the walls to the east, the entire west section of the castle was demolished and another didn't have a roof. Yet there were what looked like half a hundred soldiers in the courtyard. 'If it wasn't for the welcome committee, I would be thinking we were at the wrong place.'

Then he turned back to look at Tony. The armor glistened under the morning sun and even if Steve could tell it wasn't in perfect shape, it was enough to deal with the swarms of mooks. 'Well, HYDRA might be bad at many things, but they're great hosts.'

A few soldiers joined the fight from the west and Steve jumped over Tony to fall in the middle of them. 'Yeah, they always know how to throw a great party.'

'Too bad they never invite us,' Tony said. 

They were back to back now. Steve kept his eyes on the hole in the wall and the HYDRA guards coming from there. It was easy, sending the shield to hit them while he kicked the ones close to him. And the the shield would come back, like a loyal dog. 'They can't blame us from crashing them, then. Where do you think they're keeping the fireworks this time?'

Something was bothering Steve. More and more soldiers were joining the fight, from apparently nowhere. He eyed a HYDRA soldier and then the demolished wall. Almost automatically, he sent the shield flying towards the soldier's head and he fell down with a clank. The shield bounced and went towards the wall.

'I don't know. You would have thought it should be...', Tony started saying.

And then it kept going through the wall, as if it didn't exist, before hitting something metallic. 'Visible?'

The shield fell, somewhere inside the invisible field. 

Tony was cursing under his breath. 'Oh, son of a bitch.' HYDRA was bearing the brunt of his anger. 'This is where Fury got the cloaking device!'

'You think Hansen got it for him?', Steve said. He was measuring the distance. 'Hey, do you think you can give me a lift? Like that time with the HYDRA exploding tank?'

If he knew Tony, he was smirking right now. 'Come on, Cap!', he said and joined his hands. Steve jumped into the armor's hands and soon enough, he was in the air, hurtled across the courtyard. He landed next to the shield and picked it up. There were no real walls, just the hulking mass of the airship and a bunch of guards. He started fighting, again. There were always new people to punch. It got boring, after a while.

The airship was already starting, making rumbling and whizzing noises. The wings were half-spread and Bucky was probably inside. He ran to it but soon enough a guard grabbed his leg, trying to stop him. He kicked him in the face, heard the bones crack and kept running but two other guards seized him. One took his arms and the other tried to kick his legs from under him, before settling on the other arm. The airship was already in the air, gaining speed. He was going to lose it, he thought. He was going to fail.

And then the two guards fell, their chests bursting with blood. 'Come on, Winghead, hop on! We've got a plane to catch!'

He grabbed onto Tony's shoulders so hard he dented the armor and shut his eyes as they took off. They were crossing the sky and the airship grew closer and closer, but then two smaller planes showed up behind Iron Man. It wasn't long before they started firing. 

Steve measured the distance between him and the airship. 'Throw me onto the airship, Tony. I can handle it.'

Tony didn't make any objection this time. 'You go get our old friend back while I handle the new ones,' he said before throwing Steve towards the airship. Steve saw him turn around and go straight at one of the planes before hitting the airship's roof. He tried to hold on to it, his fingers finding a cleft in the metal. Little by little, he crawled towards the front with grim determination. When he got there, still holding tightly with one hand, he grabbed the shield with the other and smashed the glass. He didn't waste any time before dropping into the airship. Bucky was handling the controls, his eyes unfocused.

Steve put the shield in front of him and walked towards him. But the moment he heard him, Bucky sprang up and jumped towards him. Steve avoided him easily.

'Come on, Buck. Don't do this. I know you wanted to go back home too.'

There was no reaction. No movement other than Bucky's elbow towards his face. He grabbed the inside of Bucky's elbow and turned him around in the air. Bucky fell hard into the ground but didn't even seem to notice the odd way his wrist was twisted. Steve did.

'Sorry, pal. But it's better than letting you do this.'

Bucky was up on his feet again, relentless. There was a high kick and then an attempted punch. Easily dodged, again. And then a punch to Steve's stomach that took all the air out of him. He fell to his knees and took a deep breath. Bucky was pointing a gun at him. 

'Please, Bucky, please. This isn't you. I know you're in there. I know you remember. You have to.'

And then, something hit the airship. Something big and, hopefully, metallic. He turned around to the glass he had shattered and yes, there he was. Tony. Always Tony, in the nick of time. Bucky went after him like a lynx after a deer but it wasn't a fair fight, not now. Bucky dodged the first few hits from the armor but soon enough Tony was hitting him with all he had.

It'd be better to finish it quick, before real damage was done. Steve grabbed the shield and threw it. It hit the roof of the airship and then Bucky's head. He fell into a heap, finally stopping.

Steve ran and knelt besides him. Bucky's chest was faintly going up and down and there wasn't any blood coming from the back of his head. They'd find a cure, he decided. They'd save him.

He could hear the unmistakable sounds of Tony getting out of the armor. Soon enough, he was next to the control panel, analyzing the airship's course and its capabilities. He'd find a solution, Steve knew it.

'I think I can make it explode here, where it won't hurt anybody, but we're getting close to Corsica. We don't have much time, at the speed we're going, because it'll take me a while to set it up.'

Steve walked towards him and put his hand on Tony's shoulder. 'Start now, then. We have no time to lose.'

Tony didn't turn around to face him, but his shoulders slumped under Steve's hand. 'But... we should wait. Find another solution.'

'No time, Tony. Those planes could come back any second now. Bucky could wake up.' Steve looked at Bucky's sleeping figure. He seemed young, laying like that. He looked his age. 'You have to take him home.'

Tony turned around. 'I can't take both of you. You've got no parachute - the fall would kill you. My airship is too far away. And this has to... explode.' 

He shrugged. 'Yes. This has to explode while we're away from big populations so you need to start working right now.'

Tony grabbed his arm. 'We can wait. We'll find a different way.'

'No, we can't. You said so yourself. Please take him home, Tony. I promised to take him back.'

'Is there any way I can convince you?'

Tony's eyes were downcast. Too bad, Steve thought, he really wanted to see them one last time. He smiled. 'No. I'm sorry, Tony. I wish... I wish it didn't have to end this way.'

With unsent letters, he thought. With Steve Rogers disappearing into the crowd as he had never existed.

'It's not going to end this way,' Tony said, his eyes snapping up and meeting Steve's. 'I won't let you die like this. I'll come back for you.'

'Then show me how to do this. I'll wait.'

Tony turned around and started explaining to Steve how to blow up the plane. Something about hatches and missiles and fuel and pressure. Steve didn't care for the explanation, he cared about the order of the buttons and dials. It would be easy and quick.

'Look, you have about ten minutes after you do it,' Tony said, climbing back into the armor. 'And we have about twenty minutes before it's too late. So give me some time, alright? Don't be an idiot and start the second I leave.'

Steve helped him take Bucky into his arms. Bucky was still unconscious. It looked like a Futurist version of La Pietà, all angles and dynamism. Fitting for an HYDRA plane.

Tony looked at him, one last time, before bringing down the faceplate. 'Remember, Cap, I'll come back for you.'

Tony didn't have enough fuel to do the trip. He had known that and so had Tony, but Steve appreciated the lie anyway. 

And then he took off. Ten minutes, then, before he had to start the process. He took his shield and readjusted his cowl. Nine minutes. It was a sunny day and the sea was shimmering. There were worse days to die in. Worse ways. Useless ways. His death would be remembered. Seven minutes. Even if Steve wasn't. Even if Tony would never get another letter or an explanation. Would Tony ask around? Realize the factories he talked about didn't exist? That his quirky neighbours were a work of fiction? Would he be angry? Or think Steve had been a scam? Three minutes. 

Tony was already working on how to cure the HYDRA brainwashing. Bucky would be okay. The Invaders would be okay. Nothing of value would be lost. One minute.

He started the process, pushing the buttons with not one pause. He hadn't really understood Tony's explanation and there hadn't been any time to ask for clarification, but he remembered what he had to do. With one last push, it was done, then, and he could sit down on the pilot's seat. All he had to do was wait. Ten minutes, Tony had said, and then the explosion. Maybe he should jump, because Tony wasn't coming back and he could take his chances on the water. What was the worst that could happen?

They were the longest ten minutes of his life, but he was calm. He could accept this - it had been his mistakes that led to it, anyway. He stood up and went towards the door. He opened it and stared down to the sea. It looked silent and unmoving.

There were alarms blaring in the plane, so the end was close. He was going to take his chances - at least he'd rather die on the water than in the fire. He closed his eyes, tucked his shield on his back, took a step forward and let go.

And for the second time that day, what he hit were Iron Man's arms.

'Tony?! What are you doing here? You have no fuel!'

Tony twisted in the air, going away from the plane. He had never been so fast. 'Told you. Wasn't going to let you die.'

His voice sounded strained, as if he was in pain. 'So you'll die in the process too? You'll waste your life here? What would... what would Steve say?'

'Well, I don't know, Steve, what _would_ you say?'

 

The airship exploded in the background, but Steve didn't hear it. The blood was rushing to his ears as the world tilted on its axis. Tony _knew_. Tony knew and he was saving him and they were both going to die and Steve didn't even know what to say.

So he said nothing, just put his arms around Tony and hid his face against the armor's neck. Tony stopped talking and Steve's heart pummeled against his chest, because he could hear the whizzing sounds coming from Tony, the small grunts and tiny yelps Tony was trying to keep silent. He was hurting, he knew it, because of Steve and what he had done. All he could do was turn his face and kiss the faceplate and mutter _I'm sorry_.

He got no answer.

It wasn't long before he heard the humming of Tony's airship, its almost imperceptible whirr already familiar to Steve. He tried to crane his neck to see it, but they were moving too fast. Tony was gaining even more speed and his grunts were now louder and louder.

'Don't do this, Tony, please!' He pushed away, a little, but Tony's arms were locked around his waist. 'Stop it, stop it! Let me fall!'

Tony's arms tightened around him even more. The angles of the armor dug into Steve's flesh, almost cutting him.

'Never. I promised you. We're… we're almost there.'

And that was a cough and Steve knew enough about them to know there was blood involved.

'I'm not worth it.'

'You're always worth it,' Tony said and with one last desperate burst of speed, they crashed into the airship's workshop. There was the clashing sound of metal against metal, Tony's back bearing the brunt of the crash. Steve jumped off him, kneeling besides him. The armor was torn in impossible angles, caved in in some parts and missing some others.

'Tony? Please, Tony!'

He grabbed the faceplate and tore it off. Tony was paler than he had ever seen him and sweat glistened on his face. His eyes were still open, but unfocused and there was blood around his lips. Around him, like blurs, Pepper and Rhodey and Jarvis were kneeling too.

'You can't do this to me, you just can't,' he said, putting his forehead against Tony's. Somebody shoved him, then, and he couldn't help grabbing the interloper's hand. There was a high-pitched yelp and that brought the blur into focus. He let go of Pepper. 'Oh God, Ms. Potts, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.'

'Move, we need to.. we need to open the chest plate,' she said, cradling her arm.

He nodded and put his fingers on the side of the chest plate. It was caved in and it took some effort to remove it. His wound was open again, he knew, because it hurt and because he could feel the warm blood coming down his side. But at least now he could see Tony's chest, exactly as he remembered it. The metal plate, still intact, and Tony's strong muscles. His chest was moving up and down still. So he was breathing, and that was good news.

Jarvis pushed him aside then and took off the plate. Steve had never seen that - he had assumed that it protected Tony's ribs or something. He didn't expect to see Tony's heart, beating slowly. Quickly, efficiently, as if they had done this a dozen times, Jarvis connected Tony's chest to the airship's generator.

'What.. what are you doing? You're going to hurt him.'

'Yes, I am,' Jarvis said and nodded. Rhodey flipped a switch and then all Steve could hear was Tony's screams.

'That's… what are you even doing?'

Strong arms grabbed him, but elbowing Rhodes and Hogan was easy. It wasn't so easy to move past Pepper, who stood in front of him arms crossed.

'Jarvis is saving him.'

'How? He's electrocuting him! He… he probably got hurt by the planes trying to get to me.'

He could see it, clear and crisp in his mind. The planes, the bullets, Tony's blood and his flesh being torn apart all because Steve was a constant failure.

'He wasn't hurt by that,' she said. 'He just… ran out of fuel.'

'Well, then re-fuel the armor! This is…'

'Captain, what do you think the armor's fuel even is?'

He took a glance at Tony's chest, how it was exposed and the way Jarvis was… charging it. That what he was doing. Oh, it all made a disgusting amount of sense. He remembered how tired Tony always looked after using the armor, how worried he was about running out of fuel and…

'He's an idiot. He's the biggest idiot I've ever known and I'm gonna punch his face in when he wakes up.'

'Stand in line, Captain America.'

He sagged against Hogan and he was finally let go. With a tired gesture, he took off his cowl. 'Steve. My name's Steve.'

Pepper's eyes grew wide. 'Oh. That… that explains a lot of things.'

Free from Hogan and Pepper having stepped aside, Steve could throw himself next to Tony. Jarvis was disconnecting him and Tony was unconscious, but his breathing was getting better. He took the armor off piece by piece, throwing it aside like the piece of junk it was. When he was done, he took one long look at Tony and then brushed his hair off his forehead.

'I'll take him to his room,' he said and nobody questioned it.

There wasn't any space for a chair in Tony's room, so Steve sat on his bed, trying to take as little space as possible. Tony hadn't woken up, even if it had been more than four hours, but Pepper had assured him that was normal. He had a lot of energy to regain. He took another look at him - he wasn't pale anymore and his breathing was normal.

A few hours ago, Jarvis had stopped by to check on Tony. He remembered his gruff reassurance - _he's too much of an idiot to die, Captain_ -, his quick explanation - _long story short, his heart has always given him too much trouble -_ and the significant look that came afterwards.

Pepper had also stopped by, to give him updates on Bucky. He couldn't help but steal a glance towards the wall. On the other side, Bucky was asleep too, but unlike Tony, he was tied to a chair. He had tried to escape twice and Hogan was nursing a black eye because of it. He didn't seem to remember anything.

Steve had gone to the other room once he had known Tony would do fine. Bucky had only said one thing to him - _hail HYDRA_. Steve had tried to talk to him, to no avail. All he could do was close the door and hope Tony would wake up and have the answers.

The more he knew, the more he wished he could be angry, instead of sad. He had never connected the dots, between what Tony had said was a medical device for his heart and what powered the armor. He had touched it, kissed it and, one very daring night, licked it, but Tony had never told him the truth.

Everybody on that ship had known except for Steve. They had known about Zemo and Howard and Tony's plans about HYDRA. They had even known about Maya. Steve had thought Tony had gone to war risking his life like any man in his place would do and only for duty. But now he knew Tony's clock had always been ticking, and that he was waging a private war for revenge. He put his head in his hands, the memories of that one month flooding his mind once again. It hadn't been two lonely men trying to build a life that could last after the war - it had been two dead men waltzing into a mirage.

And the mirage was now turning to sand.

 

He stood up, after another hour of nothing, and went towards Bucky's door again. Hogan was next to it, resting against the wall. His bruises were starting to darken and a part of Steve was proud about how good Bucky was.

'It's a bad idea, Cap. He's strong and all he wants to do is escape.'

Steve shrugged and opened the door. 'I'm stronger.'

The room was dark, but Steve could see Bucky inside, eyes wide in the dark, expression blank. Steve turned on the lights and Bucky didn't even react. He was still wearing the uniform HYDRA had given him, black and unfamiliar. His legs were tied to the chair's and his arms were chained behind his back. Once he had woken up in the airship, it had taken Hogan, Pepper and Rhodey's combined efforts to subdue him again.

'Hey, Buck,' he said, closing the door behind him and leaning against it. 'It's me. It's Cap. You're home now.'

Bucky said nothing, just kept staring over Steve's shoulders. They hadn't even been able to examine him. There was a bruise in his forehead and dried blood around his lips, but no fresh blood and no apparent pain.

'You can ask for water or food if you want. You know you can trust me.'

Bucky tilted his head. 'Why? I don't know who you are,' he said and then his gaze went unfocused again.

'Nobody does,' Steve said and left the room.

He dragged himself to Tony's room again, carrying some coffee and some stale crackers he had stolen from the kitchen. When he opened the door, he stopped dead on his tracks - he hadn't expect to see Tony sitting up on his bed. Pepper was there too, frowning at Tony but fluffing up a cushion at the same time. The second she saw Steve, she threw the cushion at Tony, mumbled an apology and ran out of the room, not sparing Steve a glance.

'So I made it,' Tony said, with the most fake grin Steve had ever seen.

'Barely,' he said, and then venom clawed up his throat. 'What the hell were you thinking?'

Tony crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. For a man who had almost died that day, he seemed incredibly dignified. 'You know perfectly damn well what I was thinking.'

'No, I don't!' Steve said and slammed the door. 'You could've died! Were you ever going to tell me about your heart?'

Tony shrugged. 'I… It will kill me only if the war doesn't. There was no reason to tell you that detail.'

He put down the coffee mug on a shelf, trying not to look at Tony. The gray wall was boring, but he knew he couldn't face Tony, not when his hands were itching to strangle him.

'It could've endangered missions, and I deserved to know. You know I hate it when I don't know what I'm getting into.'

'Did you know what you were getting into with Project Rebirth? About how it'd turn you inside out, how it'd melt you to forge a stronger you? About how the previous volunteers had fared?'

The coffee mug's shattered in his hand. Damn it. It had been a long time since the last time he had forgotten his strength, but that day… that day it had already happened twice.

'I… I hop… I _knew_ I'd survive.'

'Liar.'

He turned around and looked straight at Tony. 'I _wanted_ to survive. I wanted to go back to you even if you… even if it meant nothing to you.'

'Nothing?!' Tony tore off the drawings on the wall, crumpling them in his fists..'How can you say that?'

'If it had mattered to you at all,' he said, taking a few steps towards Tony. 'you would have told me about your heart!'

Tony threw one of the drawings at him. 'You have no leg to stand on! You lied to me! You've been lying to me for months!'

'So what? You never told me the truth about anything! Not HYDRA or Zemo or even what this mission was really about!'

Tony's voice went lower. 'I didn't know if I could trust you. Turns out I was right.'

'You said you trusted me. With your life and you…'. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. This wasn't how he had pictured that conversation going. He took a long look at Tony - the eyelashes, the strong arms, the lines around his eyes, everything he loved. He couldn't lose that, not now. '…you didn't even tell me how long you have known.'

Tony's shoulders relaxed. 'Today. I found out today.'

Steve tried to figure out what had given him away. If he had managed to keep his secret for months, what had changed? Was it the kiss? Had he been that recognizable? 'You… today? When?'

'The car,' Tony said, with a chuckle. 'It took me a while to figure out how one my letters could have found its way into Captain America's pocket. Felt like an idiot afterwards - there are not that many chances there can be two people as stubborn as you are.'

He went through the day - sleeping on Tony's bed, the mission…'So you didn't know when you kissed me! You… you…!' He could feel the anger that was always there, but now it was boiling under his skin, exploding in his stomach like shrapnel. 'You cheater!'

And there it was, the eye rolling. He hated it when Tony did that.

'Pray tell me, who did I cheat with then?'

He crossed his arms - he could hear his mom's voice in his head. _You look like a very silly mule when you do that, Steve._ He'd always reply that mules didn't have arms.

'Well, me!'

Tony mirrored his gesture and grinned. He knew that grin. It was like a red flag for a bull. 'That makes no sense. It's not cheating if it was you.'

'You know it does! All the flirting and… and the looks and you didn't even know it was me.'

'I can't believe you're actually arguing I cheated on you with you,' Tony said and then he was laughing, a big, full body, laugh that shook Tony and made Steve smile.

He could feel the blush creeping up his skin. 'You know what I mean,' he said and then he felt Tony's fingers around his wrist.

'Why didn't you tell me?'. Tony's voice was softer, now. Steve fell to his knees, his eyes level with Tony's now.

'I couldn't tell you, I… it was classified.'

Tony shook his head.

'Since when do you follow Fury's orders when you disagree? You didn't want to tell me.'

Steve closed his eyes. 'I couldn't lose you.' 

Tony was rolling his eyes, he knew it. 'You weren't going to lose me.'

Steve shrugged and said nothing. But he knew that Tony would press on this time, fishing for Steve's real feelings.

'Why did you keep writing the letters? You knew I wanted to see you again. How were you going to explain the extra 150 lbs?'

'I… I hadn't thought that far. All I knew is that…' he opened his eyes. Tony was almost smiling now, but still looked confused. 'I was different. And all I wanted was to be with you'

'I was there, with you, at your camp.' Tony's hand caressed Steve's cheek. 'Do you realize how much time we've lost?'

He leaned into the touch. He had missed it, craved it for months and months. The calloused feel, the warmth, everything. 'Then let's not miss another second,' he said and went in for the kiss.

Tony's lips met his for one brief, glorious second but then Tony turned his face away. It was as if the sun had suddenly gone cold on a hot summer day. 'I can't do this,' Tony said.

Steve sat on the floor. His breathing was getting faster. 'Why? Because… because of what I did? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I will never lie to you again. Ever.'

'I fell in love with a man that doesn't even exist, Steve. It's a little bit too late for honesty.'

He hugged his knees, unable to answer. What was there to say? How could he explain it to Tony, always so sure of himself? He had hurt him and lost him and and he had brought it onto himself.

He stood up, then, and didn't care if Tony could see him tearing up. He'd try to look tough later. 'The man that wrote the letters… that was me and you know it,' he said, before leaving the room.

Pepper was in the hallway, talking to Hogan. She turned around and smiled at him, a little sadly. 

'Oh, Captain. I was just looking for you.'

He straightened his back and nodded. He could try to look tough now.

'Sure, Ms. Potts. What did you need?'

'I got in contact with the Invaders. They had to move after they were attacked.'

The floor went out under his feet again. 'Attacked? Any casualties?'

'No, don't worry,' she said, flailing her hands. 'Everything's under control, but they do seem anxious to get you back. Fury's impatient for your next mission to begin.'

He looked at the doors behind him. One held nothing for him, not anymore, but the other… 'I have to take care of Bucky.'

She exchanged a look with Hogan. 'You can't take him with you.'

He took a step towards her and loomed. It was always effective.

'He's part of my team. He's my responsibility.'

But she seemed to be used to men with big egos and didn't yield an inch. 

'He's a liability. We're going to London - we have a contact there, Doctor Samson. He's a specialist in… well, soldiers. He can take care of him.'

He remembered the name - from Tony's research.

'Was Tony in contact with him?'

She sighed. 'Yes. He has some ideas about HYDRA's brainwashing. I don't want to give you false hope, but… when we talked to him, he said he could try.'

'Wait, you talked to him already?'

'Tony told me to contact him when he woke up.'

Steve's chest tightened. No matter what, Tony always had his back, and he only repaid that with lies. All he could do was trust Tony knew what he was doing and go back to his duty. 'Do you have the coordinates for the Invaders?'' 

'We'd be there in about an hour. Do you want us to drop you there?'

'I'll drop myself off.'

She smiled a little bit. 'But at least have a shower first. You smell like something that has been left to rot for days.'

'I have to do something first,' he said. It seemed like she understood because she nodded at Hogan and he followed her to the kitchen. He didn't seem to mind her company at all.

He took a deep breath and entered Bucky's room. 'Hey, Buck.'

Bucky looked at him and again said nothing.

'I have to leave now. The guys need my help and I've been caught up in my own troubles for too long.'

He looked at the small figure slumped on the chair. Oh, why was Bucky even there? He was too young and now nobody knew if he'd ever go back home. He remembered the jokes, the confidence and the occasional flashes of the kid Bucky had been. He remembered promising to protect him. He couldn't make any more promises. 

'I… I wish you could come with me.'

He turned around and left the room. Bucky didn't try to stop him. What he had to do now was his job - he had to go back to the Invaders and then hope for the best. But there would nothing wrong with taking Pepper's offer first and have a nice shower.

The water took away the grime, the blood and only left behind the tiredness in his bones and the weariness in his muscles. He had no other clothes, so all he could do was slip into the costume again. Somebody had cleaned it - Jarvis, probably - so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. He would have to repair it once he was at camp.

He stepped out of the bathroom, grabbed his shield and went to the workshop. He could jump out from there, once they were close to the Invaders' camp. He would have to ask Pepper about that.

When he arrived, it wasn't empty. The armor was no longer there - they needed to go to London to get the spare parts needed, so it was all in cases now - but Rhodey was there, checking their position on the ornate control panel. 

'Hey, Captain. We're almost there. You ready?'

He nodded and went towards the door. It opened again, swiftly and silently, and then Steve could see farms and tiny houses and dark splotches that he supposed were trees. It was life, despite everything. 

'Are we ready?'

'Not yet,' a familiar voice said.

He turned around and saw Tony. He was dressed already - slacks and a white shirt - and his beard looked immaculate, but he was still a little wobbly on his feet. In his hands, he had a blue helmet. Rhodey was nowhere to be seen.

'Tony,' he said, trying to sound tough again. He didn't want to look too pathetic, not for their goodbye.

Tony rolled his eyes and strolled towards him. He put the helmet on Steve's head and then fastened the chinstrap. 'So you don't hit that stupid head of yours when you hit the ground.'

'I'm sorry. I know it… I just know I'm sorry.'

Tony sighed and then grabbed the chinstrap to pull Steve into a kiss. Steve put his arms around Tony's waist and brought him even closer. Tony's free hand was slung around Steve's shoulders.

Steve didn't know, at the time, that there'd be nights spent in hotel rooms and days spent in adventures he couldn't even imagine. There'd be laughter in the dark of some bar and beard burn between his thighs and Tony's incredible tightness over and over again. There would be more kisses than he could count and bites and shared dreams and hours stolen just for them.

All he knew is that there was at least a kiss and if it wasn't the best kiss they've ever had - too tired, too clumsy, too desperate -, it was more than enough.

Tony was the one to break it, his breathing ragged but his lips red and swollen. Steve's arms tightened around him.

'Why… You said you couldn't do this.'

'Well, I had an enlightening conversation with a certain Ms. Potts,' he said, laughing, but then his eyes went softer and his hand found Steve's cheek again. 'I fell for you twice. That has to count for something.'

'She yelled at you,' Steve said, his eyebrows going up.

'She yelled at me,' Tony said and laughed.

There was a moment of silence, Steve's forehead against Tony's, their breathing matching. He wouldn't get another chance like that - a chance to be honest.

'I love you, Tony.'

Tony put his head against Steve's chest, but at least he didn't push away. 'I can't promise anything, Steve.'

'I know. I don't care if we don't make it, Tony. I just want you for as long as I can have you.'

Tony's eyes went up and met Steve's. And then he smiled.


	5. Epilogue - A lifetime as sweet

Last time he had seen Tony, they had been at Paris and the war had been over at last. There had been wine, and dancing, yes, and songs and Tony's sinful mouth. Hogan had proposed to Pepper, Namor had cracked a smile and Steve hadn't left Tony's airship for a week. 

But soon after they had to part ways - like they always did, no promises and one last kiss for luck -. Tony had a few HYDRA cells left to wipe out and Steve had to arrange Bucky's transfer home. He remembered Bucky's confused frown and incessant questions when they sailed home. He wasn't recovered, not yet, but at least now he recognized Steve now and then. It was enough encouragement and Steve dared to hope. He was settled in Doctor Samson's clinic for now and Steve was already planning his next visit.

But now he was back in New York, swiftly making his way to Tony's apartment. It was weird to be this tall in New York - people stared at him like they never had before, even if he was just wearing a normal suit and not the costume. The costume was safely tucked in his suitcase, alongside the shield. Fury had asked them back but Steve had misplaced them. Odd, how those things happened.

The building was pretty much the same, even if the man if the elevator had changed. He smiled at him, unable to keep his joy inside any longer. His hat was crumbled now because he needed something to fiddle with. It wasn't long, but he almost jumped out of the elevator when he hit Tony's floor anyway.

The key was burning inside his pocket but he had a hard time unlocking the door because his hands kept shaking. He turned it, pushed the door and then he could see it - the same expensive furniture, the same exquisite paintings, the same wondrous view. The apartment hadn't changed, but it felt smaller now. Cozier.

Sitting next to the window, Tony was ost in thought, his eyes following New York's skyline. He turned around with a jolt, when Steve stepped in.

'Hm, hi,' Steve said, feeling like an idiot.

Tony smiled, wide and free. Steve never got tired of that smile. It promised dancing in night clubs, adventures in the jungle, arguments in the workshop and lazy mornings, all at the same time.

'Welcome home, Steve,' he said and Steve realized he could make promises now.


End file.
